Star Trek: Generations II, Chapter 2: “The Plot Thickens”
Written by Jason Reichstetter
Gene Roddenberry has successfully left the Nexus, but, through some kind of ion storm, has been teleported to Wisconsin. As Roddenberry attempts to leave the cheese state (something that he finds very ironic, based on his current mission) he starts hitchhiking back to California.
Meanwhile, on the Paramount lot, something very ominous is occurring. In the office of Rick Berman, one-time producer of the successful series Star Trek: The Next Generation and current producer of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, is meeting with Michael Piller, Jeri Taylor and Brannon Braga about a new series concept.
Berman: (Petting his pet cat, named Mr. Stewart) So, that is my idea. This ship will be sent to the Delta Quadrant, and after an uneventful second episode which deals with a hokey space-time quantum singularity, the Maquis will cease to exist, having simply just merged into the Starfleet crew.
Piller: I don’t know about this. Something doesn’t sound right. Let me get this straight. The Maquis, an enemy of the Federation and Cardassians, is just going to put aside all their differences and join a crew, which was sent to apprehend them in the first place?
Berman: That is correct.
Piller: That’s ludicrous. No one will buy that. That would be like the Middle East countries just merging together because they were stranded in the United States.
Berman: You have a... problem... with that?
Piller: Yeah. There’s no conflict. It just results in lame storytelling.
Berman: I see. (His finger reaches over to a control panel on his desk, each with a button labeled with “Mr. Braga”, “Mr. Piller”, and “Mrs. Taylor”. Rick pushes the button labeled “Mr. Piller".)
Piller: (His chair lurches backward and Piller is launched out, immediately engulfed in flames) Aaaaaarrrrrrgggggggggggh!
Berman: Why must I be surrounded by fricking idiots? Mr. Braga, Mrs. Taylor. I have kept you alive because I need you to carry out a very important task. I want you to destroy Star Trek.
Braga: (Smiles) With pleasure.
Berman: Mrs. Taylor, will I have your complete cooperation in this endeavor?
Berman: Excellent. Mr. Braga, you’ll be in charge of writing the second episode. Mrs. Taylor, I’ll need you to write a campy episode where a block of cheese disables the ship’s bioneural systems. Can you do that?
Taylor: I think so, yes.
Berman: Excellent. Make it so. I’m bringing in a young, very talented screenwriter to help you on your project. Maybe you’ve heard of him. His name is... Akiva Goldsman.
Braga: Goldsman... Goldsman... sounds familiar.
Berman: It should. He just completed a script to a movie called Batman Forever that Joel Schumacher is going to direct. From what I hear, this Goldsman is very talented. It’s rumored he’s going to go ahead and write another Batman sequel called Batman and Robin, and an update to Lost In Space. While he’s working on these projects, I’m going to keep him on as a consulting producer. He’ll be meeting with you all tomorrow. He’s got some wonderful ideas for you. In the meantime, get to work. We have action figures to sell.
Braga and Taylor: Yes, sir. (Braga and Taylor walk out of Berman’s office. Nobody notices, however, the slug-like entity protruding from the back of Berman’s neck)
Berman: (Sits contemplating a few moments, then looks at a newspaper which features a picture of Ira Steven Behr and the headline “Despite Poor First and Second Seasons, New Exec. Producer Takes Deep Space Nine To the Top!") Behr freak... terrorizes... wait’ll they get a load of me. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaahaha! (Then he realizes what he’s done) Ah, hell. (Punches a button on his desk) Victoria.
Victoria: Yes, sir?
Berman: Get me Dr. Flotsham.
Victoria: Right away, sir.
Berman: (The doors to Berman’s office slide open and Dr. Flotsham enters) Dr. Flotsham! What’s happening?
Flotsham: Not too much. You asked to see me, Your Excellency?
Berman: Yes, I have a bit of a problem. You see, I disposed of one of my writers, and I completely forgot he was supposed to write the next Star Trek movie. I’ll need you to create a clone of him. Michael Piller. However, I’ll also need you to program him to be completely obedient to me.
Flotsham: I think that can be arranged.
Berman: Excellent. Dismissed. (Flotsham gets up and heads for the door) Dr. Flotsham? Create a clone of me too. I sense trouble heading this way.
Flotsham: Right away, sir.
(Berman leans back in his chair, satisfied with the way things were proceeding. Well, that’s not right. The Berman-symbiont was happy with the way things were proceeding. Berman was no more. Only the symbiont was left. And there would be a battle in the future. The Berman-symbiont could sense it.)