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Episode 39: “Tool of the Prophets, Part I”

Written by Swordtail

Published July 9, 2007

Computer - Previously, on Star Trek: Celestial...

Shot of the Dominion fleet in the Idran System.

Shot of the Section 31 fleet heading for the Bajoran system.

Shot of the massive Federation, Romulan, Klingon, Cardassian and various other fleets stationed at the mouth of the wormhole.

Shot of a minefield covering the wormhole.

Shot of Righteous activating a powerful weapon and destroying a massive ship in orbit of a planet.

Shot of a temporal anomaly opening and swallowing the Celestial.

Shot of a flaming happy face.

Shot of an orb hitting Commander Righteous in the head (You FanFiction people won’t get that one... visit my site!)

Shot of the Breen firing an energy dampening weapon into the wormhole.

Shot of a steaming bowl of oatmeal.

(Okay, so that’s a little out of order...)

Computer - And now...

Scene 1 - Thousands of ships sit in wait at the mouth of the wormhole. Suddenly, it opens. The camera goes to the bridge of the USS Litterbox, where Fleet Admiral Spot is watching the wormhole open.

Captain Spot Jr. - There it is again. It just opens, and...

The wormhole spits out more light than normal, then closes.

Spot Jr. - Spazes out, and closes.

Spot - Have our scientists figured it out yet?

NoName Cat #1 - No, ma’am. And the Bajoran vedeks can’t explain it either.

Spot - Well, we have better things to worry about. Does this pose any danger to the minefield?

NoName #1 - Not that I can tell.

NoName Cat #1 - It could be an indication that the Dominion is trying to get through.

Admiral Spot - It could also be the wormhole aliens showing off.


Opening credits......................................................................................... I got nothing this time.


Scene 2 - The camera goes to the bridge of the Celestial, which is at yellow alert. Everyone is present.

Doctor Puker - I just hope you people don’t decide to let consoles blow up in your face. There’s no excuse for that... at all. You see a build up in the plasma conduits, you get out of your chair. None of this “well it’s probably nothing” crap. I swear to god, if I see one of you come in with plasma burns, I’m not going to treat you. God frakking damn it!

Lieutenant Bios - Alright everyone, I’m picking up massive subspace distortions heading this way... here they come.

The camera looks at space as a few hundred armoured Starfleet ships decloak and head into the wormhole. One, a Flourish-class dreadnought (looks like the USS Litterbox) slows down and comes along side the Celestial. On the bridge.

Lieutenant-Commander Baque - What the hell?

Senseless - Hail that ship, maybe it’s the leader.

Ensign Center - Opening hailing–

Bzzzzzzzt! They all turn around in time to see Lieutenant-Commander Genocide transported away.

Senseless - Raise shields!

A NoName runs to tactical and presses some buttons.

NoName #2 - Shields up, sir!

Righteous - Follow them! They’re getting away!

Sure enough, the massive Flourish-class ship can be seen flying away and rejoining the rest of the fleet that’s entering the wormhole.

Baque - Course plotted, your highness.

Righteous - Was that sarcasm? I couldn’t tell.

Center - Captain, Admiral Spot is ordering us to maintain our position.

Senseless - Did you tell her that ship abducted one of our officers?

Center - Not yet.

Senseless - Then get on it before–

Bios - Captain, the ship just cloaked. We’ve lost it.

Senseless - Damn! They beamed him straight off our bridge! That’s it! I want a dampening field installed before something like this happens again! Mr. Baque, put us back in formation.


Scene 3 - Celestial’s bridge. The holographic form of Fleet Admiral Spot is prancing around.

Spot - No, for the last time you can’t enter the Gamma Quadrant and rescue your incompetent tactical officer.

Righteous - With all due respect, ma’am, he’s more competent than his replacement.

Tener - Hey!

Spot - Fine, if you really want him back that badly, I’ll send Solaris to look for him. The Dominion already sort of trusts Captain Ketrell and his band of soap-opera rejects, so they have a better chance of finding him.

Senseless - I’d like to send over some of my crew just for kicks.

Spot - Fair enough, but no one that’s going to be needed. Spot out.

Spot fizzles away into nothingness and Senseless turns to Tener.

Senseless - Lieutenant...

Tener - Damn it! God damn it! Why is it always me that has to go on these dumb pointless adventures! I thought I said after that last time with Admiral Nelix I wasn’t going to go on any more away missions!

Righteous - Oh, don’t be a poo-poo head. Just grab a shooty thing and get our beloved maniac of a tactical officer back in one piece.

Tener mutters under his breath as he leaves the bridge.


Scene 4 - The USS Solaris leaves its position near the rest of the Ninth Fleet and heads into the wormhole, which is still spazzing out. On the bridge, all the bridge staff are present.

Lieutenant Frell (helm girl) - Should I point out the major plot hole that we and the Section 31 fleet just got through that wormhole without hitting a single mine?

Commander Ren - Starfleet probably bought the fucking things from the damn Ferengi.

Captain Ketrell - Any sign of the Section 31 fleet?

Lieutenant Sa’lol (science officer) - Not that I can detect... but that massive Dominion fleet is still kicking around the Idran system.

Tener - Think they went to attack them?

Ketrell - I doubt it. They probably intend to kill the Dominion at the head... they’ll attack both Founder homeworlds.

Frell - Captain... that fleet is on the move.

Sa’lol - Confirmed. They’ve set a course bearing 181 mark 010.

Ren - That would take them... where?

Lieutenant Tevarin (ops) - That’ll take them straight for the rogue Founder’s homeworld.

Ketrell - Think we’re too late?

Lieutenant-Commander Adair (tactical) - Gee what a crying shame that would be.

Ketrell - Lay in a pursuit course, and match their speed. Keep them just at the edge of our sensor range.

Tener - What will that do?

Ren - Solaris is a science ship, with advanced sensor systems. Hopefully our active scanning range is longer than theirs. We’ll see them but as far as they are concerned we never left the vicinity of the wormhole.

Frell - Course laid in.

Ketrell - Engage.

Solaris’ underpowered warp engines sputter to life and the ship jumps to warp.


Scene 5 - Lieutenant-Commander Genocide wakes up in a dark room. A few seconds later, the door opens and he shields his eyes from the bright light. Two NoNames wearing a strange variation of the Starfleet uniform walk in and pick up him, dragging him out of the room. They take him somewhere else and plop him down in a chair at a table. The Section 31 agent everyone doesn’t know and loves walks in and sits across from him.

Genocide - Care to explain what the hell is going on here!?!

Agent - Come now, Nick, you know better than that. No yelling on my ship.

Genocide - Your ship? Where are we?

Agent - We’re onboard the Federation starship S31 Impounder, the flagship of our little fleet here.

Genocide - Why was I brought here?

Agent - Well, I constantly beamed myself around, I saw it only fair that you got to do the same at least once.

Genocide - That’s not a good answer.

Agent - We need your tactical expertise. Like it or not, you’re the best damn weapons officer in the Alpha or Beta quadrants... which says how screwed the Federation is.

Genocide - I won’t help you wipe out an entire race.

Agent - Gee, you’d think with a name like yours...

Genocide - Oh, shut it.

Agent - I think you’ll change your mind once you see what these ships can do. Right now, we’re cloaked so perfectly even the Q would have trouble finding us. The Dominion won’t know what hit them. Nothing can go wrong.

Genocide - Working under Captain Righteous has taught me at least one thing... something can always go wrong. You could be standing in the middle of a big empty field and reach down to pick up a coin and BAM! Arm falls off.

Agent - Come with me.

They get up and go to the Flourish-class ship’s bridge. A dozen or so NoNames look up and salute as the agent walks onto deck.

Agent - As you were. Helm, ETA?

NoName #3 - Two hours, sir.

NoName #4 - Sir, long range sensors have detected a massive Jem’Hadar fleet in pursuit.

Agent - Impossible, there’s no way they could detect us.

NoName #4 - Maybe they didn’t. They might just be coming back to their homeworld.

Agent - No matter, they pose no threat. We’ll deal with them as soon as we take care of their precious gooey gods.

Genocide - You are way too confident.

Agent - You would be too if you knew what I know.

Genocide just rolls his eyes.


Scene 6 - Ops, DS9. Sisko walks out of his office and Kira goes up to him.

Kira - Captain, I think we’ve overlooked something.

Sisko - Oh?

Kira - During some of the battle drills, while no one was paying close attention, I think a ship went through the wormhole.

Sisko - What kind of ship? One of ours?

Kira - Its energy signature says it’s a Bajoran transport, but the wave amplitude of the signature is off the scale. That thing probably had a massive warp drive. Bajoran transports don’t have warp capability, normally.

Sisko - Hmmm.... I’ll contact Admiral Spot.

Camera goes to the bridge of the Celestial. Everyone is sitting around, being very bored.

Baque - It’s been an hour... we should have heard something.

Bios - What if Solaris got destroyed?

Senseless - Think positive thoughts, people.

Righteous - Prophets!!! Whee!!!

Senseless - Sir, the Prophets aren’t involved in this.

Righteous - Oh pleeease. Just read the episode title. Any minute, something all religious and holy is going to happen and our lives will be changed forever.

Bzzzzzzzzt! Righteous is beamed away in an unfamiliar transporter beam.

Senseless - Son of a bitch!!!! Okay! Raise the shields and don’t lower them!! Ever!! Where the hell is that dampening field!!!

Garell - Uh... sorry. I was getting around to it. I didn’t think the author would use the same plot device twice in a single episode.


Scene 7 - Righteous materializes onboard a Bajoran transport which promptly zooms away from the fleet, unnoticed. Righteous tries to make the best of the situation as several cloaked (as in hoods and stuff, not invisible) Bajorans approach him.

Righteous - Hi guys! How’s it going? Is this a party? I like parties, just not surprises, but I’ll make an exception in this case.

Bajoran #1 - You talk too much.

Punch!


Scene 8 - Celestial’s bridge. It’s at red alert, and Admiral Spot is again standing on the bridge.

Spot (rubbing her forehead) - So let me get this straight... first your tactical officer is kidnapped, then your commanding officer is kidnapped... and you don’t know where he went?

Senseless - That’s right, ma’am.

Spot - Well, with Righteous gone we might just win this battle.

Baque - When is this battle going to happen, anyway? We’ve been here for a good week now waiting for the fighting to break out.

Spot - I don’t remember asking you a damn thing, Lieutenant.

Baque - I’m a lieutenant-commander.

Spot - Whatever. Fine, you can break formation to go look for your idiot captain. But get back here as soon as you can! Spot out!

Spot hits an unseen button so hard the holoemitters on the bridge blow out and fall from the ceiling, killing a NoName.

Senseless - Helm, take us toward Bajor.

Baque - Why the hell would I want to do that?

Senseless - Alright, you didn’t hear this but there’s some kind of link between our moronic captain and the Prophets. I don’t know what it is yet, but do you remember that temporal anomaly that threw us into the past and then the future? Do you remember how our stupid captain suffered from a massive headache just before we were tossed into the future? Well, that temporal anomaly had the same verteron flux as the wormhole we’re guarding. Coincidence? I think not. Somehow, and for some reason, the wormhole aliens wanted us to go to the past and then the future.

Center - Uh... why?

Senseless - Who knows? Now, the only people who might want to kidnap him would be those Pah-Wraith worshippers. Remember that ship that we saw head for that moon? So, I say again, take us toward Bajor, full impulse.

Baque - ...Uh... course laid in... sir.


Scene 9 - Righteous wakes up in a dark and dirty metal room. His hands and feet have been tied together and his combadge has been removed.

Righteous - Oh real mature, you guys! Come in here and face me like a Bajoran!

Two cloaked figures enter the room.

Bajoran #1 - You are Righteous Lee?

Righteous - Last time I checked. But hang on...

He manages to pull an ID card out of his pocket and reads it.

Righteous - Leroy Brown? What the hell? Oh, well I’m pretty sure my name is Righteous Lee.

Bajoran #2 - You serve the false Prophets.

Righteous - The Fire Caves I do.

Bajoran #1 hits him.

Bajoran #1 - Do not take the Pah-Wraith’s place of residence as a form of derogatory humour!

Righteous - I did what in the where now?

Bajoran #2 - Felor’s Twelfth Prophecy states that “The Tool of the Prophets shall know not what he is, and shall enjoy pie.”

Righteous - So? Everyone likes pie. That Prophecy could be referring to anyone... wait... Tool of the Prophets?

Bajoran #2 - I don’t like pie.

Righteous - That just means you haven’t found a type of pie you like yet. Tool of the Prophets? I’ve never heard that before.

Bajoran #1 - Felor was a drunken idiot who no one really took seriously. Until now, that is.

Bajoran #2 - Your task, given to you by the False Prophets and their off-world Emissary, was to go around the galaxy and enforce the rule of the false gods occupying the Celestial Temple.

Righteous - Wait... You are the guys who worship the Pah-Wraiths!!!

Bajoran #1 and #2 - Duh!!!

Bajoran #1 - We worship the true Prophets of Bajor, and soon, very soon, they will eradicate the pretenders in the Celestial Temple and take their rightful place as rulers of the Alpha Quadrant.

Righteous - Oh please... and pigs can fly.

Bajoran #2 - With a little genetic engineering, anything is possible.

Righteous - So you’re going to genetically engineer the Pah-Wraiths to be the new Prophets? Good luck with that.

Bajoran #1 - You really are an idiot, aren’t you?

Righteous - My crew says I am. As does my boss, and my boss’s boss... and my boss’s boss’s boss. And the President. And the Emissary.

Bajoran #2 - We’re not going to give the false Prophets the satisfaction of letting you complete your mission. We’re going to sacrifice you to the Pah-Wraiths.

Righteous - Ooooh goodie!

Bajoran #1 - We’re going to kill you.

Righteous - Oh, not goodie.

Bajoran #3 (Comm) - Bajoran #3 to Bajoran #1.

Bajoran #1 - Go ahead, Bajoran #3.

Bajoran #3 - There’s a Federation starship approaching this location. It’s the Celestial.

Righteous - Ha! You guys are so screwed!

Bajoran #3 - He’s right, we’re screwed. They’ve seen us.

Bajoran #1 - Than we can wait no longer. Take us to the Fire Caves.


Scene 10 - Celestial’s bridge. All remaining senior staff are present.

Bios - There it is.

The viewscreen shows a Bajoran transport fly away from the moon and straight for Bajor.

Senseless - Lock a tractor beam on them.

NoName #5 - Tractor beam engaged.

Boom, ship rocks, sparks.

NoName #5 - They’ve opened fire. High intensity verteron beam.

Center - We’re losing the tractor beam lock.

Senseless - Target their weapons and fire.

BOOM! Ship lurches, consoles explode, NoNames die.

NoName #5 - Tractor beam offline!

Center - Hull breach on deck 17!

Baque - They’re getting away!

Senseless - Pursuit course, target weapons and engines!

NoName #5 - I’m trying, but their shields have been really upgraded.

Bios - Those are Dominion shields they’re using.

Senseless - Why would the Dominion be supplying ship parts to Bajorans?

Baque - Oh, maybe it has something to do with the fact that the Cult of the Pah-Wraiths has practically allied themselves with anyone who wants to destroy the Federation.

Center - Commander...

Senseless looks at the screen. The transport has turned around and is now heading straight for the Celestial.

Senseless - What the hell?

Bios - I’m not detecting any lifesigns onboard. Looks like they beamed away.

Senseless - So why did they send their ship away?

Baque - They’re not going to have a ship if we don’t move.

Senseless - Fly us out of the way.

The camera watches as the Celestial edges sideways. However, just as the Bajoran transport begins to pass it, it turns hard to starboard and slams into the Celestial. As their shields contact, the transport explodes, throwing the unsuspecting Federation ship nearly out of orbit. Camera goes to the Celestial’s bridge, where everyone is being tossed around like rag dolls as the room explodes around them.

Senseless - What the hell!?!

Baque - Oh SHI–

BOOM! The helm console explodes, throwing Baque across the room. Puker goes over to him and then stops.

Puker - What did I tell you! What did I almost just tell you!?

Baque - I was trying to get away from it!

Blavik - Perhaps we should just treat him, doctor.

Puker - Oh no, you can treat him, I was very clear about this.

Baque - I hate you, doctor.

Puker - Glad to be of service. Now, does anyone have lacerations? I have a dermal regenerator in my hand and I’d hate to think I got it out for no reason.


Scene 11 - Onboard the S31 Impounder, Genocide is getting quite bored with his predicament.

Genocide - I see you people have nothing against torture.

Agent - Oh calm down, we’re here.

Genocide sits up in his chair and looks at the viewscreen. The ship drops out of warp and a planet comes onscreen, surrounded by Dominion ships and stations.

Agent - Marvelous... right where we knew they’d be.

NoName #3 - All ships are in position.

Agent (hits a button) - This is the Impounder to all ships. Drop cloak.

Camera watches as a few hundred ships decloak. The Jem’Hadar ships spaze out and turn toward the invaders.

Agent - Deploy armour!

The armour emitters on every ship in the fleet light up and ablative armour from the future deploys along the hull.

Agent - Lock target on the planet.

NoName #6 - Target locked. Weapons standing by.

Genocide - Damn it, you can’t do this!

Agent - The longer we wait, the better chance the Changelings will turn into a giant fist and smack us out of the sky.

Genocide - Don’t do this, they don’t pose a threat to us anymore!

Agent - You clearly don’t know what you’re talking about. Transphasic torpedoes, FIRE!!!

Camera watches as every ship opens fire with orange glowing torpedoes. They impact the planet and blow large chunks out of it.

Genocide let’s a smirk cross his face, although no one notices.

NoName #3 - Sir... the lifesign readings on the planet aren’t changing!

Genocide - Oh, gee, it looks like the Dominion also has a big book called “The Dominion’s Big Book of Things That Worked So Well We Should Do Them Again, 2381 Edition.”

Boom, ship rocks, no sparks.

NoName #3 - The Dominion defence force has open fired on us.

Agent (foaming at the mouth) - Destroy them! All!

He turns to Genocide, and angry look on his face.

Agent - You knew, didn’t you!?

Genocide (smiling) - Well, the Founders and I couldn’t just let you wipe out a bunch of Changelings, now could we?

Agent - You faked the logs!?!

Genocide - I kill NoNames at the drop of a hat, do you think faking the logs would be something I’m against?

Agent - Well, we still have the coordinates of the other Founder homeworld, you couldn’t have faked that one.

Genocide - Yep, let’s go.

Agent - ...They’ve evacuated the planet, haven’t they?

Genocide - You know, for someone who claims to know so much, you really don’t think, do you?

Agent - Do you know what you’ve done!?! We were never going to destroy the benign Dominion! We just wanted to erase this threat! The entire Alpha Quadrant is going to be destroyed because of you!

NoName #6 - Sir, the Dominion defence forces have warped away.

Agent - And the stations?

NoName #6 - ...They’ve disappeared. Probably holographic projections or sensor ghosts.

Agent - And that Dominion fleet chasing us?

NoName #3 - It looks like they’ve changed course. Only a few ships are at the edge of our sensor range.

Agent - Cloak the fleet and follow them, maximum warp!

He turns toward Genocide again.

Agent - Take... him... back to his cell!

Genocide - Can we get some food first? I didn’t eat breakfast today. Oooh do you guys have those little hash brown cakes with butter on them?


Scene 12 - The Bajoran Fire Caves... it’s cold, dark, and contrived. Bajoran #1 and #2 come in dragging Righteous who is in a large bag.

Righteous - Sacrilege! Worshippers of Evil! Sinners! You’re all going to burn on that ringworld the humans call hell! And sip martinis!

Bajoran #1 - Shut up!

Kick!

Righteous - Ow! You’ll all pay for that! My ship is going to blow you people to pieces!

Bajoran #2 - Stop talking!

Kick!

Righteous - Ow! You people are stupid!

Bajoran #1 - You don’t learn do you?

Righteous - Pah-Wraiths are dumb! You’re dumb for following them.

Kick!

Righteous - Stop that!! Prophets damn it!

Bajoran #2 - The Prophets aren’t gonna help you here. This is the domain of the Pah-Wraiths.

Righteous - What? Where are we?

Bajoran #1 - We’re here.

They pull the bag off of Righteous, who realizes they’ve stopped at the edge of a cliff overlooking a bottomless pit.

Bajoran #1 - Now... we wait.

Righteous - For what?

The two other Bajorans say nothing and continue to stare at the bottomless pit.

Righteous - Helllllloooooooooooo?


Scene 13 - Bridge of the Celestial. Senseless, Baque, Garell, Bios, Center, Blavik, and Puker are present. They are talking with some Bajoran Starfleet officer.

Senseless - Are you sure you haven’t seen any ships matching that description land anywhere on the planet?

NoName #7 - What am I, a space traffic manager?

Senseless - Uh... yes.

NoName #7 - When the hell did that happen?

Senseless - According to your egotistical speech you made earlier on, 20 years ago.

NoName #7’s eyes go wide and he grabs his head in his hands.

NoName #7 - Prophets have mercy! What have I done!

He runs screaming from the room. The screen goes to static, then Center shuts it off.

Garell - Well... any more bright ideas?

Baque - Why are all Bajorans so stupid?

Blavik - Their prefrontal cortex is similar in size and composition to most other humanoid species, so I think your question is flawed–

Baque - That was a rhetorical question.

Puker - Didn’t I install a transponder in him after the last time he disappeared?

Bios - Yes, I think you did. I’ll scan for it.

Senseless - Anything?

Bios - Yep. He’s somewhere on the far northern continent. Underground in some sort of cave network.

Center - Those are the Fire Caves. According to Bajoran legend, the Pah-Wraiths are imprisoned there.

Bios - I can’t get a transporter lock. Too much verteron interference.

Senseless - So far this all makes some sense. Uh... crap, both of our security officers are gone, aren’t they? Fine, I’ll lead the rescue mission myself. Lieutenant Blavik, you’re with me. Garell, you have the bridge.

Senseless and Blavik leave the bridge, leaving an exasperated looking Lieutenant-Commander Garell staring at the turbolift with her mouth wide open.

Garell - The bridge!? It’s bad enough in Engineering!

NoName #5 - Commander, as the ranking tactical officer present, I think it’s only prudent that I be placed in charge of all security matters in Commander Senseless’s absence. I’m sure if he were here he would agree with–

Garell pulls a knife out of somewhere and tosses it through NoName #5’s neck.

Garell - I am in a really bad mood today. I have battle damage to look forward to for the next couple weeks.

Bios, Center, and Baque quickly turn back toward their stations as Puker inches his way toward the turbolift.


Scene 14 - The USS Solaris, which I should point out isn’t much smaller than a Sovereign class (in length and width anyway) is warping along just out of sensor range of the Dominion fleet. Onboard...

Lieutenant Sa’lol - Captain... one of those warp signatures isn’t Jem’Hadar. It’s... Bajoran.

Ketrell - Bajoran? What? Are you sure?

Sa’lol - No, but until we get closer we can’t rule it out either.

Ren - Oh perfect, another mystery to solve.

Frell - The fleet is speeding up.

Ketrell - Stay with them.

Frell - They’ve reached warp 9.

Tener - What’s Solaris’ top speed?

Ketrell - We’re about to find out. Bridge to Engineering.

Lieutenant-Commander Dalarsh (comm) - Yeah?

Ketrell - We’re gonna be testing the engines to the limit soon. Take us to warp 9.

Dalarsh - Warp 9? Are you kidding? This thing has never gone above warp 8 before! I have no idea what will happen!

Frell - Screw it, I’m taking us to warp 9 whether she likes it or not.

Dalarsh (still on comm) - Alright, but if something explodes down here and I die, I’m so haunting you people! Engineering out!

The ship starts to shake slightly.

Frell - That fleet has gone to 9.5, sir!

Ren - Why are they in such a rush?

Sa’lol - Guys? Major subspace disturbance following them! I think it’s the cloaked fleet!

Ketrell - That could explain things. Take us to warp 9.6.

Camera jumps to engineering, where Dalarsh is close to ripping her antennae out of her head in anxiety as the room shakes and consoles start to short out. Camera goes back to space and watches as Solaris nearly breaks apart from the strain.


Scene 15 - Fire Caves. The two Cultists are chanting in Bajoran, while Righteous covers his ears, shuts his eyes, and makes noise.

Righteous - LA LA LA LA LA LA LALALLALALALLALALLALALALLALALA!!!!!!

Suddenly, Senseless and Blavik and some NoNames burst in and make some noise. The two cultists stop what they’re doing and pull out phasers and fire at the Starfleet officers, killing a NoName. Senseless runs over to Righteous as the others lay down covering fire and the Bajorans retreat into the caves some more, still firing.

Senseless - You alright, sir?

Righteous - LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!

Senseless smacks him. Righteous stops.

Righteous - Jack! Good to see you! Did you send those sinners to their deaths!

PZZZZT! A phaser blast hits right beside him and several more fly above his head.

Righteous - That would be a no.

Blavik - Sir! We have to go!

Senseless - Come on, sir, we don’t have time to worry about cultists.

Righteous - Okey dokey.

Bajoran #1 - No! He must not be allowed to leave this area! Kill him!

The two Bajorans start firing at Righteous. Several NoNames get hit instead. In the end, only Senseless, Righteous, and Blavik make it to the beam out spot.

Senseless - Away team to Celestial, three to beam up.

Bzzzzzzzt!

Moments later, Senseless and Righteous walk onto the Celestial’s bridge and take their seats.

Baque - Good to see you back in one piece, sir.

Righteous - Thank you Lieu–

Baque - I meant the commander.

Righteous - Fine! Be that way! Take us back to the fleet, helm boy!


Scene 16 - The Dominion fleet enters a star system and drops out of warp, only to be met by even more Dominion ships. A moment later, the Section 31 fleet, now decloaked because they were blindly obvious anyway, drops out of warp as well and starts blowing the crap out of Dominion ships, who can’t even make a dent in their armour. On the S31 Impounder’s bridge...

NoName #4 - Sir, that Bajoran transport is heading for the system’s sun.

Agent - All ships, destroy that vessel at all costs!

Genocide - Gee, first you want to destroy changelings, then Jem’hadar, and now Bajoran transports... wait... why is a Bajoran transport moving with a Dominion fleet anyway?

Agent - You really don’t want to know. Why is that ship still operational?

NoName #6 - The Jem’Hadar ships are blocking our movements. They’re ramming some of our ships and disabling them!

Agent - No! That’s it, take us in. Tell the other Flourish-class ships to do the same. Maybe we’ll have more luck.

Genocide - Would you care to tell me what’s so important about that ship!?!

Agent - No time! Destroy it! Now! Damn it, good help is so hard to find these days.


Scene 17 - Solaris, bridge. It’s shaking. So is the rest of the ship. Consoles are sparking around the room.

Frell - Warp 9.9, Sir!

Ren - We’re all going to die if we don’t stop this!

Ketrell - I have no intention of letting down Admiral Spot. Do you know what she’d do to us? We’d be demoted to working on a garbage scow!

Tevarin - Transporters standing by, sir.

Sa’lol - I’ve identified the flagship...and I’m detecting Lieutenant-Commander Genocide’s DNA signature.

Tener - You can detect DNA from several billion kilometres away?

Ketrell - You’re a warship, we’re a science ship. There’s plenty of things the Celestial can do that we can’t.

Sa’lol - That Bajoran ship is heading straight for the star! What the hell are they doing?

Dalarsh (comm) - Engineering to bridge, what the hell are you people thinking this is? Disneyland!?

Adair - Yay Disneyland! Should I charge weapons, sir?

Ketrell - No, we’ll need all the power for the engines.

Sa’lol - That ship has just impacted with the sun!

The camera goes to the star where a small explosion can be seen... then, randomly and suddenly, the star implodes with a large flash and is gone.

Camera jumps to the Fire Caves on Bajor where the two Bajorans finish reciting something and a huge red plume of energy flies out of the bottomless pit and up through the ceiling. It flies through space until it goes just past the fleet of ships on its right side and disappears. Camera goes back to the Dominion system, where a huge reddish wormhole opens out of nowhere and spits out a huge plume of energy, which flies across the system until it reaches the Section 31 fleet, then it begins sweeping across the groups of ships, destroying or heavily damaging them as it hits them. The Impounder gets hit and the entire secondary hull is destroyed instantly. On its bridge...

NoName #3 - Armour offline!! Shields are down!

Agent - Noooooooo!!!!

Genocide - Gah!

The bridge explodes around them, killing NoName #3, 4, and 6. Just as the ceiling collapses, Genocide is beamed away in a Federation transporter beam. The camera watches as Solaris flies quickly past the exploding Flourish-class ship and zooms away from the destruction. On Solaris’ bridge.

Ketrell - What the hell!?!

Sa’lol - A wormhole has opened where that sun used to be!

Frell - The Dominion ships, well, those that survived Section 31, they’ve entered the wormhole.

Tener - One guess as to where that wormhole leads to.

Ketrell - One guess as to what wormhole aliens live in it.

Sa’lol - The verteron flux is very familiar...

Ketrell - We can’t waste the time needed to reach the Prophet’s wormhole. Flood the ship with chroniton radiation, then proceed into that wormhole... hopefully that’ll keep them from stopping us.

Genocide walks onto the bridge.

Genocide - What happened? Did someone set up us the bomb?

Tener - You could say that sir.

Genocide - I think I have a concussion. My head hurts... really badly.


Scene 18 - On the USS Litterbox, which is facing the Celestial Temple like every other ship in the fleet, Fleet Admiral Spot is sitting tense in her chair.

NoName Cat #1 - Here comes a big one! Massive verteron buildup!

The wormhole, which has been open for Prophets knows how long, spits out a massive plume of energy, detonating the entire minefield.

Spot - Ok everyone, if that isn’t an indication of the Dominion about to attack, I don’t know what is. All ships, shields up, and power to weapons.

NoName #1 - Ma’am! Something’s cutting our right flank to pieces! A Romulan Warbird has been destroyed! Another one! It’s the Dominion!

Spot - What?! On screen!

The viewscreen shows a reddish wormhole, as wide open as the blue Celestial Temple, spitting out Dominion ships, which are shooting up the Romulan and Cardassian warships lining the right side of the fleet.

Spot - All ships, alter formation! They’re cutting right into us!

Spot lets a frightened look cross her face as the Litterbox goes to red alert and everyone scrambles around.

Spot - Another wormhole!?!? What the crap!?! Meow, damn it!

To Be Continued...

This page was last modified on Sunday, July 08, 2012.