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The Voyager Coronary: “The Alpha Quadrant Episode”

Written by Tim Mohr, aka “Cureboy”

Good news, everybody! Rick Berman phoned me again today (I’m on his speed dial as some of you know) and has told me I should also write the follow-up episode to the Borg-less episode. ☺

“Captain’s Log, Supplemental. Every day we are getting closer and closer to home. We received another datastream from Earth today. I am prepared to meet with the crew to tell them about some war in the Alpha Quadrant.”

Janeway gathers her crew together and says, “There was a war in the Alpha Quadrant.”

Mr. Paris is shocked, “What?? How come nobody ever mentioned this before??”

Janeway says, “Tom... We’re in the friggin’ Delta Quadrant. What should we have done, launch a few photon torpedoes and hope they hit the bad guys in about 60 years?”

Paris says, “Why not?”

Janeway says, “Tom, that’s not the point. The point is, there was a war. I’m telling you. A war. Like with shooting and stuff. It happened in the Alpha Quadrant. There was a war. I need to mention this, it’s important! There was a war. The Federation was in a war. People dying and that type of thing. Big war. Alpha Quadrant. Understood? Dismissed!”

A few hours later... Janeway gets in the turbolift, where Tuvok and Neelix are having a discussion. Tuvok says, “Neelix, I’m telling you. It’s the truth! Apparently the Son’a wanted to steal all the magic radiation from the planet!” Neelix says, “Hmmmm... Well who would want to live in the Briar Patch anyway?” Tuvok replies sternly, “The Baku!” Neelix groans and says, “Tuvok, they’re only moving 600 people...” Tuvok barks at him, “How many does it take, Neelix, before it becomes wrong??”

Janeway makes a quick exit from the Turbolift. She runs into Seven of Nine and Chakotay, who are having a disagreement of their own. Chakotay says, “Seven, it would have been unwise to let Picard join the battle. It would have introduced an unstable element into a critical situation.” Seven scoffs, “That’s ridiculous! Picard’s experience with the Borg made him the perfect person to lead that fight!” Chakotay smirks, “Admiral Hayes disagreed...”

Janeway begins developing quite a headache. She heads down to Sickbay and finds the Doctor and Lt. Torres in a heated battle of their own. The Doctor shouts, “They should have stayed there and fought! The line should have been drawn there. That far, and no farther! And he would have made them pay for what they did!!!” B’Elanna becomes defiant, “You are using their personal experiences to influence their judgment!” The Doctor bellows, “They were cowards!!” B’Elanna becomes enraged, “If you were any other Emergency Medical Hologram, I would kill you where you stand!”

Janeway is dismayed... Fade to black...

This page was last modified on Wednesday, July 04, 2012.