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“Consistency Crises”

Written by Tim Mohr, aka “Cureboy” (with Patrick Dodds)

In the final episode where Captain Janeway’s debriefed by Starfleet, Admiral Paris asks her some probing questions...

Paris: “Captain, how did you do it? How could a tiny Federation starship complemented with a rogue group of Federation dissidents band together and put aside your differences to work for a common goal? How did you cope with the feelings of loneliness, with the isolation, with the fear that you may never see your home and your loved ones again? How did you manage to survive countless dangers and perils with only limited resources and means at your disposal? How were you able to return home and still remain the same as you left?! It seems totally unbelievable! How did you do it?”

Janeway: “Awww... you don’t wanna bother with those minor details. Hey! You gotta hear about this incredible alien race called the Borg! Man, it seemed like we were always running into them...”

Paris: “But we already know about the Borg! We want to hear about how your crew survived in this unique scenario!”

Capt. Janeway: “Don’t interrupt me. Our first encounter with the Borg started when we...”

Admiral Paris interrupts, “Captain Janeway. We have reviewed your mission logs. It seems your Doctor visited a Hirogen Holodeck. Apparently the Holodeck program featured the Borg, the Breen, the Cardassians, Klingons and several other races from the Alpha Quadrant. But there were no Ferengi on this holodeck. Not only that, but it seems the Doctor was around the Borg holograms more often than he was around the Jem’Hadar holograms. You honestly expect us to believe that? What are you trying to pull, Janeway?”

Janeway stutters, “But Admiral, you’re missing the point. We were placed in the middle of a feud between Holograms and the Hirogen. It tested our Doctor’s loyalty. It was a troubling time for us all!”

Admiral Paris is stern, “Janeway! You are missing the point! I don’t care about any of that! I want to know why the Doctor didn’t spend as much time near the Jem’Hadar hologram!”

Admiral Paris pauses and then says, “We’ve reviewed a log entry by your chief engineer, B’Elanna Torres. Apparently she came across a Klingon artifact and immediately assumed the Borg were responsible. You must really think we’re stupid, Captain. Your chief engineer never even suspected a race of beings that looted the Klingon Empire!”

Janeway rolls her eyes, “Admiral! That really has nothing to do with it. B’Elanna faced an experience that brought her straight into the Klingon afterlife. B’Elanna was haunted by the fact that her mother died without honor! Don’t you think that bears more relevance?”

Admiral Paris replies, “No, I do not! The most important thing you people should be concentrating on is making an Alpha Quadrant connection in the Delta Quadrant!”

Admiral Paris becomes even more angry as he continues to read the log entries, “Janeway! What the hell were you thinking? You ran into the Borg three or four times! Why didn’t you simply take an alternate route? Granted, it would add a good 15 years to your trip, but it would have been worth it because we wouldn’t have to hear Borg stories...”

Janeway cries, “You are correct, Admiral. If I could do it all over again, I’d force the crew to settle on a planet in the Delta Quadrant before we entered Borg space. Because God forbid we ever say the ‘B’ word!!!”

Admiral Paris continues, “Now, I want to get back to the Hirogen thing. How come you were able to bump into the Hirogen even though the last time you saw them was 30,000 light years in the opposite direction?”

Janeway says, “Okay, well don’t you remember...”

Paris interrupts, “Answer me, damn you!”

Janeway continues, “Look, Admiral. Remember when we transmitted the Doctor to the ship in the Alpha Quadrant? Remember when you sent us the first letters from home? How was that accomplished?”

Paris replies, “We both used the Hirogen relay network...”

Janeway says, “Exactly! The Hirogen relay network extended all the way to the edge of the Alpha Quadrant, didn’t it? And I really don’t know how the Hirogen could have built a relay station that extended to the Alpha Quadrant unless they had ships that could travel long distances!”

Paris interrupts, “Don’t pull that with me, Janeway! We all know that Voyager is the only ship in the universe that is able to travel 30,000 light years in just a couple of years!”

Janeway rolls her eyes. Paris continues, “And you haven’t answered my other questions. What about your abnormal changes in personality??”

Janeway replies, “Wait a minute. Just a few minutes ago you were asking me why we never seemed effected by spending several years alone in space. And now, you’re asking me why I had mood swings? Which one is it???”

Paris stutters, “Um... Uh... What... Huh?”

Janeway continues, “You see, my dear Admiral. I am not perfect. I sometimes do things that are called mistakes. Not all Starfleet captains are as emotionally stable as Captain ‘I’ve never trust Klingons and I never will’ Kirk. Or as emotionally stable as Captain ‘I will make them pay for what they’ve done’ Picard.”

Paris looks at his watch nervously and stutters, “Um... I gotta jet, I left the iron on...”

Fade to black...

This page was last modified on Wednesday, July 04, 2012.