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Dimensional Warp Generator Needed

Written by Unknown

If it’s not selling anything, does it qualify as spam? The things I find in my in-box just boggle the mind!

From: [omitted]
Date: Mon Aug 4, 2003 12:06:48 AM US/Eastern
To: [omitted]
Subject: Dimensional Warp Generator Needed

Hello,

I’m a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment:

I dont have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Monday August 4th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me.
Latitude N 42.47935 & Longitude W 071.17355 and the Elevation is 119.

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!!

I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER.

Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now.

After unit has been sent please email me at: [omitted] with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email.

Thank You

Sure, and I’ll toss in a deluxe Type-4A phaser and tricorder set to help you out, too!

A Few Weeks Later...

Apparently this poor schmuck is still stuck on this mostly-harmless planet. Or else he’s lost his imagination.

From: [omitted]
Date: Tue Sep 2, 2003 10:11:27 AM US/Eastern
To: [omitted]
Subject: Dimensional Warp Generator Needed

Hello,

I’m a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Since nobody here seems to be able to get me what I need (safely here to me), I will have to build a simple time travel circuit to get where I need myself. I am going to need an easy to follow picture diagram for a simple time travel circut, which can be built out of (readily available) parts here in 2003. Please email me any schematics you have. I will pay good money for anything you send me I can use. Or if you have the rechargeable AMD dimensional warp generator wrist watch unit available, and are 100% certain you have a (secure) means of delivering it to me please also reply. Send a separate email to me at: [omitted]

Do not reply back directly to this email as it will only be bounced back to you.

Thank You

Sure, I’ve attached a formula for creating transparent aluminum to my reply... I hope this helps you out!

This page was last modified on Wednesday, January 26, 2011.