“Captain’s Log: There’s no rest for the weary... Yes, we saved the day yet again by preventing Earth and Vulcan from colliding with one another. Unfortunately, with the death of Robo-Nechayev...”
Dax interrupted. “Apparent death, sir. Two strips of gold-pressed latinum says she’s back in a few episodes.”
“I’ll take that bet! Getting skewered by a horde of angry Klingons, jettisoned out into space, and blown up in a supernova? She ain’t coming back!”
“Everybody comes back, sir. Well, everybody except for Evil Braxton...”
“Can I get back to my Captain’s Log now?”
“Anyway, with the apparent death of Robo-Nechayev, the dread Wesley Crusher has been made admiral of Starbase 47. His first act was to order us to set up a welcoming party for him here on the station, so we’ve been busy setting up decorations and whatnot for... Anybody know how long we’ve been at this?”
Ducane, who was attempting to fill balloons with helium, replied in a squeaky voice, “Forty-seven hours, sir.”
“Right. Forty-seven hours.”
The door opened, and Admiral Crusher stormed in. “Braxton, is my party ready yet?”
Braxton had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly. Crusher scowled. Well, he scowled even more than he already was. Braxton was flung several meters into the air, and then crashed back down on the floor. After that, he woke up, only to be flung back up and down several more times. Braxton stumbled to his feet. “What just happened?”
Crusher laughed evilly. “Have you forgotten that I have mysterious Traveller powers?”
“Yes, I had forgotten that. But mysterious Ocampa powers trump mysterious Traveller powers any day of the week! Well, except for Wednesdays, but that’s a long story... Kes, show Admiral Crusher who’s boss!”
Kes replied, “But he’s the admiral, so he is the boss. And I think he knows it.”
“You know what I mean!”
“Well, sir, there’s just one little problem with that. Do you know how much power it takes to seal away an entire subspace domain?”
“Kes, for the love of all that is good and decent in the universe, please do not say the answer even remotely resembles ‘All the power I had.’ Please say anything but that!”
“Sorry, sir, but it took all the power I had.”
“Darn it! You don’t have any cool powers left?”
“I can still cheat at cards!”
“What good is that?!?! Why do I even keep you around?”
“Because I’m under contract?”
Crusher interrupted. “Braxton! Party! When?”
“I think it’s ready, sir.”
“About time! Open the doors! Let the party begin!”
Damar and Xaronna ran over to the main doors, and opened them wide. The only thing on the other side of the door, though, was a cricket, which began chirping loudly.
Crusher’s jaw dropped. He walked out into the hallway and looked around. “Where is everybody? Why isn’t there anybody here?”
Braxton stupidly blurted out, “I think it’s because nobody likes you, sir.”
“Shut up, Braxton!”
“Well, since nobody showed up, can we go?”
“No, you can not go! You’re going to stay here in case somebody shows up!”
The Relativity crew let out a collective sigh. Braxton suddenly perked up. “Well, at least we can help ourselves to the yummy food!”
Braxton attempted to hurry towards the buffet, but Crusher caught him by the collar. “No food for you, either! That food is for me and my guests! All of you are simply my flunkies!”
The Relativity crew let out another collective sigh...
Hours later, Admiral Crusher’s party was still devoid of guests. Braxton and his crew slumped against a wall watching Crusher eat all the delicious food.
Suddenly, the monotony was interrupted by a voice coming over the comm system. “Ops to Admiral Crusher.”
“Admiral Crusher here. And why aren’t you at my party?!?!”
“I... uh... I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt me!”
“What do you want?”
“Sir, there’s a strange vessel on an intercept course, and it’s going faster than anything I’ve ever seen!”
“Can you identify it?”
“Raise shields. Charge weapons.”
Everyone got to the windows just in time to see the ship appear in normal space. Braxton pointed and laughed. “Ha! You’re worried about that little thing? It’s not much bigger than a runabout.”
Sure enough, the little red ship wasn’t much bigger than a runabout. However, once it began firing its weapons seconds later, Braxton stopped laughing. Starbase 47 shook hard, sending several of the Relativity crew to the ground. Starbase 47’s own weapons struck back, but seemingly had no effect on the attacker.
Another volley from the little red ship, and the same voice came over the comm. “Sir, shields are down!”
Before Admiral Crusher could even reply, Captain Braxton vanished in a flashy gold transporter beam. Then, just as quickly as it arrived, the ship turned around and sped away.
Crusher was furious. “I knew it! Braxton planned all of this to get out of my party!”
Ducane cooly responded, “Sir, what makes you think Braxton would have the intelligence to orchestrate his own abduction by a previously unknown and fairly powerful civilization?”
“Hmm... Good point. I want you all in the Relativity following that ship!”
Xaronna sighed. “Rescuing Captain Braxton, hmm?”
“No, I want you to make them pay for attacking my starbase! But if you can rescue Braxton, I guess you can go ahead and do that, too...”
Meanwhile, onboard the little red ship, Braxton found himself bound to a techno-looking slanted table. He sighed. “Wonderful... Let me guess. Borg? Should I expect a torso descending from the ceiling?”
A mysterious female voice responded. No. I am not “Borg,” whatever “Borg” is.
“Aha! So, it’s you, Janeway!”
Neither am I a “Janeway.”
I am certainly not your mother.
Braxton took a look around the room he was being held in. In one of his rare moments of lucid thinking, something occurred to him. “Wait a minute... This room’s got to take up the entire ship. Whoever you are, you’re not even here, are you? This ship’s being remote-controlled!”
I assure you, I am here. All will be made clear... in time.
Back on the Relativity, the remaining senior staff gathered in the observation lounge to discuss the situation.
Ducane turned to Dax. “What do you have for us, Dax?”
Dax punched a few buttons on the table, and Starbase 47’s sensor data on the mysterious ship appeared on the viewscreen. “We’re dealing with somebody who’s highly advanced. That ship’s weapons and shields are far beyond anything we’ve got. Furthermore, it has transhyperwarp drive, and it’s getting away from us.”
“Any idea who they are, or why they want Braxton?”
“Possibly, although you’re not going to like it.”
“Tell me, Dax.”
“Alright... The ship’s giving off a temporal signature. While it’s not a complete match with anything in the Starfleet database, it is a 47% match with something we’ve run into before: The Plah D’Viz...”
With the Relativity in hot pursuit, Captain Braxton’s captors reveal their sinister designs! Is it the end of the road for everyone’s favorite idiot timeship captain? Stay tuned for “Adrasteia, Part II"!