Episode 24: “The Fire In Which We Burn, Part I”
Written by “Krenim”
Published March 6, 2001
“They say Time is the fire in which we burn.” — Dr. Tolian Soran, Star Trek: Generations
“Captain’s Log: Well, the season finale is upon us, and something tells me something really bad is going to happen, because we actually have a serious episode title! Anyway, we have returned to the 29th Century Federation Maximum Security Prison. Since we made sure her taxes were paid up back in the 24th Century, Dax has been released and has returned to duty aboard the Relativity. We are continuing to be vigilant in our guarding of the evil crew of the evil Excelsior, for if they escape, the galaxy is doomed!”
Yar exited the turbolift and stepped onto the bridge. “It’s your turn to watch the Excelsior crew, Captain Braxton.”
Braxton sighed. “Aw man... If I have to listen to the ‘Rand and Valtane Theme Song’ one more time, I’m going to go insane.”
“You already are insane, sir.”
“Oh yeah... Well, I’ll go even more insane!”
“And I’d keep a really good eye on them, sir. I think they’re about to try to escape.”
“What makes you think that?”
“They’re all wearing ‘I came up with an evil plan to escape the Federation Maximum Security Prison and all I got was this lousy T-shirt’ T-shirts.”
“Ah... I don’t get it.”
“Just shut up and go watch the Excelsior crew!”
So, Captain Braxton went down to the floor of the Federation Maximum Security Prison that the evil crew of the evil Excelsior was imprisoned on. Of course, he managed to walk in right in the middle of another round of the Rand and Valtane theme song.
Evil Braxton quieted his crew down once he caught sight of his counterpart. “So, I see it’s your turn to watch us, Captain Braxton! I’m quite delighted!”
“Yes, that means we can escape now!”
“I don’t think so... You’re all trapped behind Level 47 forcefields with the controls under quadruple encryptions!”
“Yes, and you’re going to let us out.”
“I’m not falling for your tricks this time, Evil Braxton!”
“Oh, I didn’t intend that you would. Instead, I’m going to use the combined mental powers of Dark Helmet and Yoda to seize control of your mind and force you to open the forcefields!”
“That’s not good.”
“I don’t suppose there’s any way I could convince you not to do that?”
“No, not particularly.”
Yoda began waving his hand in Captain Braxton’s direction. “The droids you are looking for these are not... The droids you are looking for these are not...”
Evil Braxton banged his head into the wall in disgust. “Yoda, you moron! I want you to make him open the forcefields!”
“Oh... Open the forcefields you will... Open the forcefields you will...”
Captain Braxton attempted to resist the mental command, but once Dark Helmet joined in, he was powerless to stop himself. He punched his command codes into the control panel, and the forcefields for all the cells except Galvatron’s went down. The Excelsior crew stepped out of their cells and cheered.
Galvatron, however, was not too pleased. “Hey, what about me?”
Evil Braxton grinned wickedly. “I’m leaving you in there, Galvatron! From now on, I do my own evil laughing! Mwahahahaha!”
Galvatron tried to shoot Evil Braxton with his particle cannon, but the beam was stopped by the forcefields. The Excelsior crew began walking down the hallway, with Evil Braxton laughing evilly all the way. “Yoda, make Captain Braxton come with us! I have special plans for him...”
Dr. Frankenstein walked beside Evil Braxton. “So, what are we going to do now?”
Evil Braxton smiled. “We’re going to destroy the galaxy!”
“Excellent, but how are we going to do that?”
Yoda pointed to a nearby door. “Try that door we might.”
The Excelsior crew walked up to the door. Evil Braxton read the label on it. “Top Secret Temporal Weapons of Mass Destruction? Yeah, I think this is the door we want.”
Dr. Frankenstein scratched his head in confusion. “Why would they keep such dangerous things right next to the most dangerous criminals in the galaxy?”
“It’s called a plot device. Fortunately, it’s one that works in our favor. Alright, I want each of you to get one top secret temporal weapon of mass destruction and bring it with you. We have to get back to our ship and get out of here...”
Back on the bridge of the Relativity, Ducane checked the time. “Hmm... Captain Braxton should have been back by now. I guess I’d better go take over the watch.”
Yar checked the scanners. “Sir, I don’t think he just forgot! Almost all of the forcefields on that floor of the prison are down! They must have escaped!”
Ducane tapped his communicator. “Ducane to all security personnel! Converge on the Excelsior detention floor!”
He then opened a nearby arms cabinet and whipped out a phaser rifle. “Alright, people, we have fugitives! I want a hard target search of every prison deck, Excelsior deck, Relativity deck, and every other deck, or else I’ll deck you!”
As the Excelsior crew, with the mind-controlled Captain Braxton, were in the turbolift heading for the deck where their ship was docked, the alarm went off. The computer’s voice came over the comm. Warning! Prison escape in progress! Warning! Prison escape in progress!
Evil Braxton calmed his crew. “Don’t worry, it’s probably not talking about us.”
The computer added, Yes, I’m talking about you and your crew, Evil Braxton.
The turbolift doors opened, and they all ran as fast as they could through the airlock into the Excelsior. Before the security guards could fire their phasers at them, they closed the airlock.
Yar continued to monitor the situation. “Sir, the Excelsior crew have gotten aboard their ship, and they have Captain Braxton with them!”
On the main viewscreen, the crew watched as the Excelsior detached itself from the prison station, engaged its drive, and vanished from sight.
Ducane pointed at the viewscreen. “Captain Sulu, follow that ship!”
And so, the Relativity broke its orbit around the prison and began its pursuit...
To Be Continued...
Next time on Star Trek: Series ?, Evil Braxton exacts his revenge on Captain Braxton!