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Episode 42: “No, You Can’t! Yes, I Khan!” (Part 2 of 2)

Written by “Krenim”

Published October 21, 2001

Previously, on Star Trek: Series ?, Khan Noonien Singh, who had been working as a shielding salesman, found out that his origins, including the Eugenics Wars, had been erased from history. Taking Galvatron’s starship, he used the Guardian of Forever to travel back in time and killed Henry Starling before he could take possession of the abandoned timeship Aeon back in 1967. This caused history to change, resulting in everyone not onboard the Relativity not knowing who Captain Braxton was. Because a temporal inhibitor prevented direct travel to 1967, the crew must travel to the 1990’s to disable the device. And now, the conclusion...

“Captain’s Log: We are en route to the 1990’s to disable a temporal inhibitor placed by an unknown person.”

“Sulu, get out of my chair!”

“No way! I’m the captain of this ship now! I’ll do the log entries and I’ll give the orders around here!”

“You’re not really the captain! It’s just that history has been altered!”

“Yeah, and in this timeline, you don’t even exist, so let me finish my log entry!”

“I’m warning you, Sulu...”

Sulu whipped out a phaser and stunned Braxton. Ducane was horrified. “You shot the captain!”

“He’s not the captain.”

Sulu pointed the phaser in Ducane’s direction. “You want to get zapped too, Ducane?”

“No... Carry on.”

The Relativity dropped out of the timestream in orbit around Earth. The entire crew looked at the planet in shock. Dax relayed sensor information to the crew. “Half the planet is a war zone, there are a few crude interstellar ships on the surface... This is not right at all...”

Sulu thought for a second, then said, “I don’t see anything wrong, Dax. Nothing at all...”

“You’re just saying that because if we fix that, you won’t be the captain anymore!”

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not...”

Ducane frowned disapprovingly at Sulu. “You’re a Starfleet officer, Sulu! It’s your duty to do the right thing!”

“Fine, we’ll fix it. But I’d just like to point out that I really don’t see anything wrong with what’s onscreen.”

“You don’t?”

“No, everyone knows the Eugenics Wars were happening at this time.”

Ducane thought for a few seconds. “Wait... The Eugenics Wars! Yes, I remember now! I think I did hear somewhere that they happened in the 1990’s. But they couldn’t have, because Captain Braxton was here during that time period, and there were no Eugenics Wars.”

“Maybe they happened and didn’t happen...”

“Could be. It might be a form of paradox we’ve never encountered before.”

“In which case, I’m meant to be captain!”

“I don’t think so. We have to restore our timeline, even if this timeline was sort of meant to happen in a weird sort of way.”

“You’re just no fun, Ducane.”

“I know.”


Meanwhile, in his super-secret headquarters several miles below Mt. Everest, the version of Khan Noonien Singh who had travelled back in time (hereafter to be known as Old Khan, at least for the rest of this episode) was investigating an anomaly. Even though he was quite old by now, he was still as smart as ever. The version of Khan from that time period (hereafter to be known as Young Khan) came in. “What’s going on?”

Old Khan scowled. “More bad news.”

“More bad news? We’re losing the war! At this rate, we’ll have to do something drastic like put ourselves into cryogenic sleep and launch ourselves into space!”

“Nah, it’ll never come to that... Oh, wait, yes it will. Anyway, I’ve detected a ship in orbit.”

“Big deal.”

“Yes, it is a big deal. That ship is the Relativity. It’s from the 29th Century.”

“I thought you said no one could follow you back in time with that gizmo of yours working!”

“That’s true, but the device has been in constant operation for thirty years. I had to turn it off to do a tune-up on it. They must have detected the interruption and come to this time period to disable its time-blocking effects, so that they can travel back in time to 1967.”

“That made absolutely no sense whatsoever.”

“Technobabble never does. Just suffice it to say that in order to travel to 1967, they have to shut down the device in this time period.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“I do say so.”

“Well, okay, then.”

As the two stood around for a few minutes, crickets began to chirp. Young Khan rolled his eyes. “Isn’t it time to cut to another scene?”

“I guess not.”

“Well, uh, okay... So, what do we do to keep these Relativity guys from getting to the device?”

“We call all of our genetically enhanced allies together here to defend our compound. No one will be able to defeat us all!”

“But I thought you said that Kirk guy beat you twice.”

“Oh, shut up.”


Meanwhile, back on the Relativity, Dax was busy figuring out where the temporal inhibitor was. “Okay, sir, I think I’ve figured out where it is!”

Braxton, who by that time had finally regained consciousness, smiled. “Excellent! Where is it?”

“It’s in a super-secret compound miles below Mt. Everest.”

“Wow, our sensors must be really good to detect something like that.”

“Not really. I just watched the last scene.”

“Oh. Well, let’s beam into the compound and shut down that device.”

“We can’t do that, sir. Khan has apparently used technology from the Aeon to construct shielding around the compound.”

“Can we bring down the shields with our weapons?”

“No, sir. Blowing up Mt. Everest would be very very bad.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know, it just is.”

“Well, if we can’t beam in, and we can’t use our weapons, what do we do?”

Ducane came up with an idea. “Sir, I’m going to need you to concentrate for a minute.”

“Concentrate? I don’t know, Ducane... That sounds risky...”

“Any more risky than you not existing?”

“Point taken. I’ll try anything once.”

So, Braxton tried to concentrate. Ducane asked, “Do you remember the prefix code for the Aeon?”

“The prefix code? Let me think... Ah, I remember! It’s 12345!”

“12345? Let me guess... That’s the same combination you use for your luggage?”

“Uh, no... On a completely unrelated note, remind me to change the combination for my luggage later.”

“Sure, sir. Anyway, if the shields are based on the Aeon’s technology, we might be able to use our prefix codes to bring them down.”

“Wait a minute... This sounds vaguely familiar...”


Back in the no-longer super-secret compound, the Khans had gathered together their genetically engineered comrades together. Old Khan finished explaining the situation. “Okay, are there any questions?”

Young Khan asked, “Hey, how did we get all these guys in here with the shields up?”

“Uh... Good question. I guess it’s a plot device. Anyway, I doubt we’ll need these guys. Our shields will protect us.”

All of a sudden, the shields came down. Old Khan checked the computer. “They used the Aeon’s prefix code to bring down the shields! Wait a minute... This sounds vaguely familiar...”

The Relativity crew beamed into the compound and drew their phasers. Braxton shouted, “Alright, Khan and/or Khans, the jig is up!”

Old Khan laughed wickedly. “I don’t think so, Captain Braxton! Okay, everybody, get them!”

Seconds later, the Relativity crew was pinned down behind some containers. Ducane whispered to Sulu, “We’ll hold them off, you go disable the device.”

“Me? Why me?”

“Because you have to wrestle with a moral crisis.”

“I do?”

“Yes.”

“Well, okay.”

So, while the crew and Khan’s goons continued to trade shots, Sulu snuck over to where the temporal inhibitor was. Old Khan was there waiting for him. “Now, Sulu, do you really want to do this? If you keep the device operational, you’ll be the captain forever!”

“Hmm... You have an excellent point there, but I’m going to disable the device anyway.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because Starfleet officers should always do the right thing! That, and Ducane will kill me if I don’t...”

So Sulu phasered the device, utterly and totally destroying it. Young Khan and the rest of the supermen escaped, leaving Old Khan to be captured by the good guys.


A little while later, back on the Relativity, the crew prepared to go back to 1967. Dax’s console began beeping. “Sir, there’s a ship leaving the surface. It has Khan and his superguys onboard!”

Ducane commented, “Must be the Botany Bay. Let them go.” After a few seconds, he turned to Braxton. “Sir, just out of curiosity, what did you do with Old Khan?”

Braxton smiled. “Oh, I just beamed him down a small secluded island.”

“Which one, sir?”

“I think it was called Fantasy Island.”

“Ah... A very fitting exile, sir.”

“Really? How so?”

“Never mind, sir.”


Back in 1967, the Relativity crew materialized next to the wreckage of the Aeon. Unfortunately, they had come to a time just after Khan killed Starling. The crew arrested Khan, but Braxton was not happy. “Well, with Starling dead, we’ll have to find someone to replace him in this timeline.”

Ducane asked, “Why would we have to do that, sir? We could just go back in time a few minutes and...”

“I know what I’m talking about Ducane!”

“Are you sure, sir?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then who do we get to replace Starling?”


All was peaceful above mid-20th Century Earth. At least until a temporal rift suddenly appeared. The rift spewed out a small 29th Century Federation timeship, which, upon close inspection, turned out to be named Aeon.

Inside the craft, the pilot was trying desperately to prevent the Aeon from crashing. At the same time, he was quite vocally venting his frustration at the series of events which had led to his current predicament. “I’m going to get that Janeway someday! I ask her nice and politely if I can blow up her ship to save the future, and she turns me down! Then, I do my duty by trying to blow her up anyway, and what do I get in return? Getting thrown to whenever the heck this is!”

Unfortunately, no amount of effort could stop the Aeon from accelerating towards the Earth’s surface. The pilot, one Captain Braxton, finally surrendered the ship to gravity and beamed himself to safety. The ship continued to streak across the sky until it finally crashed into the Sierras.

An odd-looking man happened to see the crash and went to investigate. This man was Bill Gates, a man whose life was about to be altered in ways he couldn’t begin to imagine...


UPN Promo:

Next time, on Star Trek: Series ?, it’s another Excelsior episode!

This page was last modified on Wednesday, July 04, 2012.