The Undiscovered Continuity, Part V: “Powderkeg”
Written by “Krenim”
Published August 25, 2004
“First Officer’s Log: Let’s review, shall we? We need to get a Tkon planetmover to keep Earth and Vulcan from colliding with each other. The Tkon are not willing to part with one easily because their sun is about to go supernova and they want to save everything in their system from destruction. A bunch of evil Klingons hired by Future Guy to kill us all have decided to first disgrace us by destroying all the planetmovers so our mission can never be completed, and they have only been temporarily delayed by the fact that the bridge of their very powerful warship has been trashed in their battle with Robo-Nechayev. Everybody got that?”
Braxton was indignant. “Why did you get to do the recap?”
“Because you’d forget what you were doing halfway through.”
“Exactly. Dax, what’s the status of the Klingon ship?”
“Still inactive, but we can’t even take it out with our weapons with it’s shields down. It’s covered in some kind of neutronium armor.”
“We’ll have to move fast, then. Get the Tkon Chancellor onscreen.”
Seconds later, Chancellor Lawn appeared on the main viewscreen. “Greetings. Have you something to offer for the use of one of our planetmovers?”
“Only advice, Chancellor. A heavily-armed warship has just arrived in your system bent on preventing us from accomplishing our mission. To this end, they intend to destroy all of your planetmovers. If you can possibly get out of the system any faster, I suggest you do so.”
“Our sun is about to go supernova. If we could go any faster, we would be. Can you distract the warship long enough to let us get away?”
“We’ll try. Afterwards, can we discuss the use of a planetmover?”
“Of course. Chancellor Lawn out.”
Lawn was replaced by an exterior view of the Klingon vessel. Braxton turned to Dax. “What kind of chance do we have of keeping the Klingons from blowing everything up?”
“Not good, sir. The Klingon vessel is heavily armed. It’ll be able to plow through any Tkon ships defending the planetmovers.”
“Do the planetmovers have any defenses?”
“No, sir. Initial scans indicate the planetmovers to be a highly sophisticated network of warp probes. The probes, surrounding a planet, work in concert to create a uniform warp field that allows the planet to be moved at warp safely. If even one of the probes is sufficiently damaged, the field loses uniformity and anything inside the probe cloud is destroyed by tremendous subspace forces.”
“So if the Klingons fire on a planetmover in use, the planet goes kablooie?”
“And all the planetmovers are currently in use?”
“Wow, this is really dramatic.”
“Yar, prepare to fire on the Klingons. Try to keep them occupied. Or at least try and slow them down.”
Yar grinned wickedly. “A heavily-armed warship with neutronium armor... Good. I like a challenge.”
The Klingon vessel suddenly came to life, and began turning towards the nearest planetmover. Xaronna began evasive maneuvers as Yar let loose with her entire arsenal. Dozens of paradox torpedoes and molecular disruptors struck the warship, but they did minimal damage. That changed to no damage at all once the Klingons got their shields up. The warship then fired its weapons at the planetmover, destroying both it and the planet within in a cataclysmic explosion.
The Relativity shook as the shockwave struck it. Dax shouted, “I can’t believe they just did that!”
Braxton asked, “They’re evil Klingons, I don’t think they care that they just killed billions.”
“No, I meant that they had yet another 2D shockwave special effect in 3D space. I hate that!”
Meanwhile, the Klingon warship turned towards another planetmover. Swarms of Tkon ships moved to intercept, but they were easily destroyed by a barrage of Klingon torpedoes. Another planet was destroyed, and another shockwave batted the Relativity and the remaining Tkon ships around like they were made of paper.
Ducane shouted, “There’s got to be something powerful enough to destroy that Klingon ship!”
Dax responded, “We could wait for the supernova, but then everything would get destroyed, including us and the planetmovers!”
Another planetmover, got hit. This time, the shockwave damaged another nearby planetmover, setting off another shockwave.
Braxton’s eyes suddenly lit up. “I think I’ve got it! I know how to be beat them! Dax, how many planetmovers are left?”
“Three, sir.” Another shockwave hit. “Make that two.”
“What are they carrying?”
“Asteroids, mostly. No life on them.”
“Excellent. Yar, I need that Klingon ship to start chasing us, and for it to start chasing us now!”
Yar nodded. “I think I can handle that, sir.”
“Xaronna, be prepared to make a beeline for one of the planetmovers.”
“Just do it!”
The Klingon vessel turned towards the Relativity and began firing all it’s weapons.
Braxton shouted, “What did you do, Yar?”
“I sent them an e-mail telling them that they were a bunch of girly Klingons and that our ship can beat their ship any day of the week.”
“How adult of you. Xaronna, head for the planetmover.”
The Relativity shot towards the planetmover, with the Klingons in hot pursuit. Xaronna asked, “What do I do when we get there?”
Braxton responded, “We’re going right through the thing.”
The Relativity weaved through the warp probes, between the asteroids, and back through the warp probes on the other side. Braxton shouted again, “Yar, target that planetmover and fire on my mark!”
The Klingon ship entered the swarm of warp probes and began maneuvering through the asteroids.
Braxton shouted one last time, “Mark!”
Yar slammed several of the buttons on her console down. Paradox torpedoes shot out, striking several of the warp probes. Inside the planetmover, the subspace stresses ripped the asteroids and the Klingon warship to pieces.
The Relativity crew cheered.
Braxton slumped back in his chair. “I can’t believe that actually worked. Dax, anybody left out there?”
Dax checked the sensors. “No, sir. It looks like the Klingons destroyed every Tkon ship and every inhabited planet in the system.”
Ducane nodded in understanding. “So that’s how the Tkon were wiped out... I guess the last planetmover’s ours, then.”
“Yeah, but we’d better get it fast. The Tkon sun just went supernova. The shockwave will be here in about ten minutes.”
“Then start tractoring the probes aboard. Xaronna, be prepared to return to the 29th Century.”
And so, the crew of the Relativity returned to the 29th Century and used the Tkon planetmover to return Earth to its proper place in the galaxy. Having completed the mission given to them by the fallen abomination Robo-Nechayev, they began the return trip to Starbase 47...
Xaronna turned to the rest of the crew and smiled. “We’ll reach Starbase 47 in just a few minutes.”
While everyone else appeared to be pleased, Damar seemed less than enthusiastic. “I don’t know... I have the feeling that when we get there, there will be an evil twist ending.”
Ducane had to ask. “Evil twist ending?”
“Well, yeah. What if there’s an evil twist ending to this mini-series just like there was for Enterprise’s Xindi arc?”
“Well, if there was anything coming after this mini-series, then I might be worried. But there’s nothing after this except maybe another mini-series, and who knows how long it will be before it gets written. But if you’re really worried, let’s hail the station. Dax?”
Dax punched a few buttons. “Already on it.” A few seconds later, she responded, “I have Starbase 47’s admiral responding, sir.”
Braxton cringed. “Oh no! What if the metal corpse of Robo-Nechayev somehow survived the supernova, floated through space for 600,000 years, was found by someone, repaired, and returned to Starbase 47 to claim her revenge?!?!”
Everyone else cringed. Ducane replied, “Highly improbable. But we’ll file that under ‘worst case scenario.’ Dax, put the admiral onscreen.”
The admiral appeared onscreen. However, it was not Robo-Nechayev. The Relativity crew, who had been cringing mere seconds ago, now were stricken with outright terror and panic. Some fell to the floor wailing in agony. Ducane jumped out of his seat, pointed at the screen, and shouted, “I was wrong! That’s the worst case scenario! That’s the worst case scenario!!!”
On the main viewscreen was Wesley Crusher, dressed in an admiral’s uniform. He laughed evilly. “That’s right, you losers! Starfleet had to stick me somewhere, so they made me admiral of Starbase 47! I’m your new boss, and I’m going to make your lives so miserable that Admiral Picard and Robo-Nechayev will look like Care Bears!”
Braxton was on his knees sobbing. “Well, at least we’ve hit rock bottom. This can’t get any worse, right?”
Admiral Crusher laughed even more evilly. “That’s where you’re wrong! As the new admiral, I’m holding you all to Clause 47 of your Starfleet contracts!”
Braxton whipped out his contract. “Clause 47... Clause 47... What was Clause 47? Oh no... You can’t do that! Anything but that!”
“Oh yes, Braxton. That. Welcome to Season Five, and may whatever god you believe in have mercy on your souls! Hahahahahahaha!”
The crime against sanity that is Season Five begins with a daring attack on Starbase 47! But who is the mastermind behind the strike, and what is their goal?