Enterprise Season 4 "Special Edition”

Written by John Au

I’d like to thank Christopher Howell on TrekBBS for inspiring this one with his Special Edition Season 3. Feedback should be sent to odon05@hotmail.com. Archiving is welcome, but please try and contact me first.

Paramount has announced the release of a Special Collector’s Edition DVD boxset (not related whatsoever to the Limited Release Special Extended Collector’s Edition Star Wars DVD boxset) of Star Trek: Enterprise Season 4. It’s chock-full of exclusive extras like behind-the-scenes interviews, bloopers, improvements using the latest digital technology, and numerous scenes deleted from the broadcast episodes! Here is the complete list:

“Storm Front, Part I”

• We first see Daniels staggering out of a blue police box, gasping that his latest regeneration has gone terribly wrong.
• Phlox agonizes over whether to feed Porthos to his pet bat now Archer has gone.
• Porthos has digitally-added testicles throughout the season.
• During the ambush, the Germans fire directly at the insurgents, instead of over their heads.
• Vosk’s tan shirt has been digitally changed to a different colour, so it doesn’t look like the makeup department has forgotten to do his neck.
• After listening to Churchill’s speech, Reed must be restrained from beaming down to take on the entire German army single-handed.
• Trip apologises to T’Pol for his outburst, saying he still has anti-aircraft shrapnel in his butt.
• Archer tries to contact Enterprise by making strange symbols in a crop field.
• Carmine no longer guns down machine-gun toting SS men with only a pistol. His Colt .45 has been replaced with a bazooka.
• A scene where Archer shoots himself in the foot with his unfamiliar 20th century weapon has been included.
• The crew are so overjoyed at the captain’s return we see Star Trek’s first gay kiss... between Archer and Porthos.
• When T’Pol is speechless over the captain’s return, Archer says: “Just stay like that.”
• When Phlox informs the captain that Daniels is dead, Archer replies: “Pull the other one!”

“Storm Front, Part II”

• The “Faith of the Heart” theme is sung in German, with subtitles in bad English.
• In the opening propaganda film, Hitler is seen shaking hands with Donald Duck from Der Fuehrer’s Face.
• Vosk accuses the German general of being a temporal agent, as his accent is so incredibly phoney.
• Vosk uses his time machine to steal all weapons of mass destruction in Iraq in the year 2003.
• The Stukas that attack Enterprise have been digitally replaced by Me262 jet fighters.
• Before Silik dies, he reveals to Archer they were lovers in another timeline.
• The mysterious “Future Guy” seeking to change Trek history is revealed to be Rick Berman. His temporal opponent is played by Manny Coto.
• As the timeline is being restored, Archer asks why it only includes history that’s been captured on visual media. Daniels replies: “Don’t be a smartass, Jon.”
• When Enterprise is greeted by the armada of spaceships, Archer hails them and demands to know where they were when the Xindi attacked.

“Home”

• The Xindi Council announces they’ve reduced Earth’s status to “mostly harmless.”
• T’Pol refuses to do a nude photo shoot for Playboy.
• Hoshi is annoyed to discover that the Amazon River has been renamed after her.
• Archer is annoyed when he thinks a warlike sport involving bows and arrows has been named after him.
• T’Pol is not amused when various twin mountain peaks are renamed in her honour.
• Mayweather must turn down a lucrative deal to advertise toothpaste, because he’s not smiling as much as he used to.
• Reed creates an irreconcilable breach with his father when he describes the Royal Navy as obsolete, waterbound fags.
• T’Pol is arrested for wearing her catsuit in a public place.
• Hoshi becomes the heroine of a Japanese anime series, in which she kicks Xindi butt with magic powers and a very short skirt.
• Archer is portrayed as her bungling American sidekick who keeps getting caught and beaten up all the time.
• After word gets out of Archer’s torture scene in “Anomaly,” the Abu Ghraib prison is renamed in his honour.
• In the bar scene, Reed verifies the two women are over eighteen before chatting them up.
• After the brawl Phlox is shown using an Edosian suckerfish to deflate his face.
• In a moving scene that was regrettably cut for time, Hoshi recalls her torture by Xindi reptilians to a virile Canadian masseur.
• A close-up shows Soval grimacing from Archer’s spittle when the captain gets stuck into him at the Starfleet debriefing.
• A deleted line in which Archer refers to Soval as “a pointy-eared git” has been restored.
• On seeing her mother Trip says to T’Pol: “I can see where you got your tits!”
• T’Les grills her daughter about “Vulcan neuropressure,” as no Vulcan has ever heard of this technique.
• T’Les complains that her human guest smells of catfish.
• Trip sneaks into T’Pol’s bedroom, only to step on her pet sehlat who promptly bites a massive chunk out of his left buttock.
• T’Pol trains her sehlat to bring Trip his slippers, but it eats them instead.
• Trip is late with the sehlat’s dinner and loses most of his right buttock as well.
• T’Pol busts Kos training her sehlat to attack a large photo of Trip’s rear end.
• When T’Pol asks how her mother was blackmailed into resigning, T’Les silently hands over photos of her daughter rubbing decon gel onto Trip’s body in “Broken Bow.”
• T’Pol tells the Ministry of Security she’ll blow the whistle on the whole pon farr business if her mother doesn’t get her job back.
• In an alternative ending, Trip gets drunk at T’Pol’s wedding and talks about the events of “Harbinger” in a very loud voice.

“Borderland”

• There is an extended opening scene, in which the Klingon played by J.G. Hertzler discusses his release from Rura Penthe and his new career as a warbird captain.
• The Augments say “Let’s see Khan top this!” before taking out the Klingon guards with their fancy fight moves.
• The Augments desire to leave their planet is prompted by a desperate need for new clothing.
• When Archer visits him in prison, Dr. Soong is wearing a Hannibal Lecter face mask.
• Soong’s uncanny knowledge of the Trip/T’Pol relationship is explained by a previously deleted scene, in which he spies T’Pol blowing Trip behind the warp reactor.
• When Ensign Pearce starts to lose it in the Orion slave market, T’Pol bitch-slaps him.
• When Big Show cries, “Slaves are loose, slaves are loose!” a sultry Orion woman purrs: “I should think so!”

“Cold Station 12”

• Malik’s genetically-enhanced penis is shown during his love scene with Persis.
• When the Starfleet security guy does a backflip after Persis hits him, a round of applause is heard.
• Persis now has strap-on .45’s and a Lara Croft ponytail.
• Archer frantically searches Engineering for one of those rods that Kirk used to clobber Khan in Space Seed.
• A deleted line where Archer threatens to get Pre-First Contact on Soong’s ass has been restored.
• One of the pathogens stolen by Malik causes chronic hair loss amongst Starfleet captains.
• Black-gloved hands are seen injecting a mutative Klingon virus into the embryos. A later scene shows Reed’s Section 31 contact congratulating him on a job well done.

“The Augments”

• During their fight Persis tries to smother Malik with her genetically-enhanced cleavage.
• When Malik realises that Soong has betrayed them, he threatens to sue him for lack of parental responsibility.
• We discover that Soong is actually a time-travelling android called Lore.
• Klingon governor Klag says he’ll stick to Archer like glue.
• Malik quotes from Moby Dick as he staggers through the rubble of his bridge.
• Archer frowns at the superior intellect.
• Additional dialogue has been dubbed onto the final confrontation. When Archer blows a hole in his chest, Malik now says: “Ouch!”

“The Forge”

• The lack of a proper forensic team at Earth’s embassy is revealed to be part of the conspiracy.
• Reed is chewed out by Archer for blowing up the embassy a second time.
• When T’Pol refuses his attentions, Kos is heard to mutter: “Frigid bitch.”
• Continuing the homophobic allegory of “Stigma,” the triangle on the IDIC is shown to be pink.
• When Soval admits to using a mind-meld, Administrator V’Las now blurts out: “You poof!”
• After beaming down to the Forge, T’Pol questions why she’s wearing a skintight catsuit on a hot planet instead of cooler Vulcan robes.
• Archer yelps like his beagle as sandfire bolts zap him in the behind.

“Awakening”

• The title of this episode has been changed to “Being Jon Archer.”
• After receiving Surak’s katra, Archer tells T’Pol her attraction to Trip is illogical.
• V’Las blackmails Investigator Stel into taking the rap, by threatening to release photos of him taken during pon farr.
• The Syrrannites ask T’Pol to leave as her catsuit is disrupting their control of emotions.
• T’Pau quietly asks T’Pol if it’s true that human males have bigger penises.
• Due to contractional disputes, the actor playing Surak has been digitally re-cast. Surak now appears to Archer as a talking CGI beagle.
• T’Pau recommends removing Surak’s katra with a “Vulcan Mind Enema.”
• Archer accidentally sets fire to the mummy of the first Kohlinar master with his flaming torch.
• T’Pol asks how the hologram which conceals the Syrrannite hideout works in an area where no technology can function. T’Les replies “I’ll explain later,” then dies.
• Archer makes a snide comment to T’Pau over how she hadn’t found the Kir’Shara obelisk in two years, whereas he did in less than an hour. The next scene shows T’Pol attempting to remove the obelisk from Archer’s rectum.

“Kir’Shara”

• The title of this episode has been changed to “The Iraqi Gambit.”
• V’Las’ secret contact tells the Administrator to tone down his emotions as he’s acting like a Romulan.
• T’Pau admits she has Pa’nar Syndrome, and one of its side effects is that her English will slowly degrade between now and the Original Series.
• Cut scenes showing an erotic lesbian subtext to the T’Pau/T’Pol mind-meld have been restored.
• To Archer’s line, “I’m not possessed and I’m not delusional” is added: “And the voice in my head agrees with me!”
• To the line, “Give the Kir’Shara to us, you won’t be injured” is added: “much”.
• While falling down the tunnel, Archer gets T’Pau’s tits in his face in homage to “Shadows of P’Jem.”
• The Vulcan who captures T’Pol says his name is T’Shirt. His partner’s name is T’Square. Later they meet a Vulcan biologist called T’Cell.
• After using his torture machine to free Soval’s emotions, Commander Shran tempts him by dressing in a sexy blue nightie and bright red pumps.
• Trip asks why the Andorians are flying so close to each other in the infinity of space. Shran replies: “Shut up and stop tailgating, pinkskin.”
• The Vulcans sharpen their ears before battle.
• Shran moons the Vulcan invasion fleet before opening fire on them.
• When T’Pau and Archer first appear in their hooded robes, V’Las demands to know who let these Jedi in here.
• After much trouble Archer delivers the Kir’Shara to the High Command, only to find it calls for holy war against Andoria.
• T’Pol’s Trellium-D addiction is cured by means of a Vulcan Reset Button.

“Daedalus”

• Erickson says that Heisenberg’s Principle gives him much uncertainty.
• After taking his injection, Erickson starts to channel the spirit of Dr. Daystrom.
• Trip tells Archer to stop acting like a jerk as he’s no longer in the Expanse.
• T’Pol’s study of Surak’s teachings leads her to conclude that logic is illogical.
• The anonymous crewman who’s with Reed when the lights go out absolutely refuses to search through a dark armoury for a mysterious intruder until he’s given a name.
• In an alternative ending, Quinn materialises with glowing red eyes and a forked tail, and sucks out his father’s soul.

“Observer Effect”

• The title of this episode has been changed to “Space Perve.”
• Trip reports that the Klingon garbage dump has caused the planet to become overrun with 50-foot mutant gagh worms.
• When Hoshi asks, “Shall we start with the biogel?” Phlox consults a readout marked “Current Viewer Ratings” before answering.
• When Hoshi is raving in different languages, subtitles show she’s criticising Trip for preferring “green-blooded bimbos” over nice human girls.
• The Organians’ comment of “No-one’s ever done that before” is explained by Archer taking off his spacesuit to kiss a dying Trip.
• An alternative version of Trip’s death is included where Hoshi vomits all over him, causing the MACO’s to mistake Trip for a Suliban.
• When Trip’s corpse starts talking, a spreading wet patch is seen around Archer’s crotch.
• Reed is puzzled to find that the ship’s chessboard has been redesigned into three-dimensions. The subsequent game becomes popular among Vulcans, the only humanoid species that lives long enough to play all possible outcomes.

“Babel One”

• Hoshi’s litany of complaints is interrupted by Porthos pissing on her leg.
• Archer greets the Tellarite ambassador with the words: “My butt is better looking than you!”
• The Tellarite replies: “I see your nostrils need cleaning!”
• Archer’s first words to Shran are: “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”
• Daniels appears to warn that Shran is actually Weyoun from Deep Space Nine. Archer tells him to f**k off.
• T’Pol’s breasts start to jiggle at Warp 5.6, causing certain command and control problems.
• The Romulans ponder why their twin worlds are called Romulus and Remus when no Latin scholar has ever been near the place.
• We discover that Andorian ale is actually Romulan ale, in yet another insidious plot to destabilise the region.
• When the drone starts doing high-G maneuvers, Reed and Trip are shown vomiting inside their spacesuits.
• Shran asks Talas why a member of the Imperial Guard wears pink lingerie under her uniform. Her reply is not translated, but a sudden bulge appears in Shran’s tight leather pants.
• When Talas tries to seduce the MACO outside her quarters, she tempts him with an Andorian “antennae probe.”

“United”

• When the drone goes off-line, the computer shows the Microsoft “blue screen of death” instead of the Romulan symbol.
• The Romulan senator accuses his admiral of being the shapeshifting alien bounty hunter from The X-Files.
• The senator’s Reman bodyguards discuss the film Nosferatu, and wonder how a Reman got stuck on Earth in the first place.
• When Talas dies, Shran accuses Phlox of being a New Age quack.
• Hoshi offers to marry the captain to exploit the loophole in the Ushaan code. The plan fails when Hoshi refuses to allow pets in her home.
• Mayweather’s mystery plan is explained when we see him spiking Shran’s ale before the death-match.
• The Tellarites and Andorians wager 500 quatloos on the challenger.
• After Archer cuts off his antennae, Shran stumbles off the bed and “accidentally” headbutts him in the groin.
• Shran threatens to beat Phlox to death if he puts one of those damned eels on him.
• The Imperial Guard are shown smirking at Shran’s shortened antennae behind his back.
• As Trip and Reed strip off their spacesuits, they wonder why two people of the same sex never seem to end up in decontamination.

“The Aenar”

• When Shran mentions that the Aenar were only discovered fifty years ago, T’Pol says: “Well you Andorians must be pretty stupid then.” Shran’s reply is untranslatable.
• Archer demands Shran stop calling him pinkskin.
• Shran answers: “Whatever you say, pinkskin.”
• The Aenar Speaker reads Archer’s mind and replies that she’s indeed a good screw.
• The drone’s disguise as a Tellarite freighter is exposed when they fail to insult Enterprise.
• Archer chews out Reed for destroying the second drone instead of capturing it intact, describing him as “a trigger-happy moron with his brains in his testicles.”

“Affliction”

• When the Klingon prisoner is injected with the metagenic virus, not only do his cranial ridges disappear, but his teeth flatten and a long moustache sprouts from his upper lip.
• Hoshi’s sudden martial arts skills are explained by a scene showing her as Buffy the Reman Slayer in a parallel universe.
• Phlox suggests treating the virus with his osmotic eel, only to find that Antaak has already fed it to his pet targ.
• Phlox receives severe injuries when the targ tries to hump his leg.
• Reed’s Section 31 contact turns out to be a compulsive chain-smoker.
• As Reed is dragged down the corridor by MACOs, crewmembers pelt him with garbage while shouting: “Treacherous Limey pimp!”
• As Trip explains his reasons for transferring to Columbia, Captain Hernandez emits a skeptical “Uh-huh” every few minutes.
• Trip goes to get his uniform changed, and is dismayed to find that Columbia’s quartermaster is an attractive female Vulcan with a black belt in neuropressure.
• T’Pol cuts off Hoshi when she starts describing her dream about Trip in lewd detail.
• Hernandez decides to launch Columbia at one-quarter impulse, and splatters her ship over half the solar system.

“Divergence”

• Trip’s comment (“Never thought I’d see the stars like this”) while transferring ship at high warp is changed to a quiet “Ohhhhhh s**t!”
• When Archer invites Hernandez to join him on his jaunt into Klingon space, she blurts out: “Do you think I’m an idiot?”
• General K’Vagh accuses the Klingon Augments of mocking him when they give the salute from Galaxy Quest.
• A deleted scene, in which K’Vagh explains how to beam the viral canister onto Krell’s battle cruiser while its shields are up, has been restored.
• Shran informs them that Andorian experiments with Augments has created a virus that makes his antennae stiff.
• Hernandez challenges Archer to a fight to the death over who gets Trip as Chief Engineer.
• An interview with producer Manny Coto is included, where he muses that they’ve still got to explain why Kahless in “The Savage Curtain” didn’t have any forehead ridges either.

“Bound”

• In yet another Original Series homage, one of the Orion slave girls steals Archer’s brain. No-one notices.
• Phlox examines the Orion girls for venereal disease, and ends up tripping on that humongous tongue of his.
• Phlox prescribes a strict regime of masturbation for the crew.
• Hoshi complains that her head aches like someone put a massive dent in her forehead. Phlox replies: “I know how you feel.”
• Trip is horrified to discover that his bond with T’Pol means he is impotent in the presence of other women.
• In a desperate attempt to divert Archer’s attention from the Orion girls, T’Pol strips naked and commits an illogical act with a large cucumber.
• When Kelby decides to sabotage Enterprise (effectively ending his career as Chief Engineer) the camera tracks to the mirror where we see the Orion slave girl is actually T’Pol giving him a mind-meld.
• Navaar and her sisters tempt their MACO guards with an incestuous lesbian orgy.
• A line of dialogue explaining that the female MACOs are too lethargic to guard the Orions has been included.
• When the Orion captain says it is the men who are the slaves, a wide shot reveals he’s doing the laundry.
• Hoshi is shown to be lethargic and thus unable to assist Archer. When the Orion girls enter the bridge she just yawns and says: “You handle it, Captain. I’ve got a headache.”
• After Trip refuses her attentions, Navaar is heard to mutter: “Faggot.”
• When T’Pol discovers that Trip has already requested a transfer back to Enterprise, she knees him in the balls.
• A blooper segment has Scott Bakula wiping off green makeup after every smooch scene.
• An interview with Manny Coto has him discussing how Bound was to be the first of several episodes showing how Starfleet became a bunch of male chauvinist pigs.

“In a Mirror, Darkly, Part I”

• The title of this episode has been changed to “It’s Fun Being Bad.”
• Zephram Cochrane misses the Vulcan twice before killing him because he’s pissed out of his brain.
• Mirror Archer threatens to make Captain Forrest his bitch.
• Mirror Porthos threatens to make Mirror Hoshi his bitch.
• Mirror Porthos gets thrown in the agony booth for crapping on the rug.
• Mirror Trip is shown amusing himself by tossing live tribbles into the warp reactor.
• Mirror T’Pol hypnotises Trip so he can only communicate with beeps.
• A sadomasochistic whipping of Archer by Major Reed, dressed in fishnet stockings and a studded leather corset, is shown.
• Archer strains his facial muscles from scowling too much.
• Archer watches a water polo match... played with depth charges.
• Phlox torments a patient by placing eels on his body, and is annoyed when the process cures him instead.
• Phlox tries to terrify the Tholian with his Pyrithian Moon Hawk impersonation.
• Phlox executes an ensign for laughing at his Pyrithian Moon Hawk impersonation.
• Hoshi brags she can suck a ship’s saucer section down a warp nacelle.
• Hoshi gets ten hours in the agony booth for revealing that Mirror Archer has a small penis.
• Hoshi gets another ten hours when she makes a snide comment about Forrest’s dick as well.
• When Forrest retakes the ship, he has Mayweather buggered by an entire platoon of unwashed MACO’s.
• Reed’s session in the agony booth is called off when he appears to be enjoying it too much.
• Archer starts frothing at the mouth and chews the carpet during the briefing scene.
• Captain Kirk materialises long enough to say “What the f__?” before being pulled back to the TOS universe.
• T’Pol spends half the episode trying to stuff her long hair and pointed ears into a space helmet.
• When Archer jams the TOS phaser in his belt, he accidentally disintegrates his testicles.
• As he watches the destruction of Enterprise, Reed not only has his evil smirk but a massive hard-on as well.
• A blooper segment has Scott Bakula getting punched in the face whenever someone gives him the Imperial salute.
• Also included is an interview with Manny Coto, where he speculates on a possible future episode explaining how the Gorn and Tholians were converted from CGI creations to men in rubber suits.

“In a Mirror, Darkly, Part II”

• The mirror universe becomes so cartoonish the crew can only talk via speech balloons.
• In keeping with the Original Series feel, all swearwords have been replaced with “hell” or “dammit”.
• Hoshi’s name has been digitally shortened to “Ensign Ho.”
• Daniels appears to tell Mirror Archer he can risk his life with impunity, as he’ll never amount to anything.
• Archer threatens to dock T’Pol’s ears if she betrays him again.
• T’Pol uncrosses her legs during her interrogation, while asking Archer if he’s ever f**ked on Trellium-D.
• Mayweather is shown changing from his spacesuit into a TOS uniform, during which we see his pink G-string.
• Archer finds a picture of Captain Kirk in the files, and promptly rips his green command shirt in several places.
• We have tantalising glimpses of T’Pol’s panties while she’s wearing her TOS-era miniskirt.
• As Major Reed puts on his red shirt he says: “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
• Trip says to Mirror Kelby in the Jeffries tube: “I hear you suck in the other universe too!”
• The taunts of his mirror-self cause Archer to beat himself up.
• Mayweather is also tormented by his mirror-self, who just keeps looking at him in silence.
• When the lights go out during the Gorn hunt, Trip comes in useful due to his ability to glow in the dark.
• The Gorn gargles and rasps like in the Original Series, whilst complaining that it really should give up smoking.
• After Archer defeats the Gorn, its head is shown mounted on his wall.
• Admiral Black uses Soval’s pointed ears as memo spikes.
• Black has T’Pol court-martialed for concealing her belly button.
• When Admiral Gardner appears on the viewscreen, Archer says: “So that’s what you look like!”
• A deleted scene has Archer saying after his speech: “Shoot the first one who stops applauding.” Unfortunately everyone stops at once.
• T’Pol goes through the Federation files and discovers that, unlike in the mirror universe, all gay people were exterminated during the Eugenics Wars.
• When T’Pol is thrown off the Defiant she’s forced to change her uniform in front of leering MACOs. On entering the Avenger’s decon chamber, T’Pol finds that outside its window are bleachers and men selling popcorn.
• While plotting to destroy the Defiant, Soval and T’Pol snort Trellium-D and watch pon farr videos, with T’Pol making the occasional derogatory remark about Trip’s performance in bed.
• A scene explaining why the Orion female isn’t controlling the Avenger with her pheromones is included.
• T’Pol’s top is torn off during her fight with Hoshi.
• Trip’s shirt is torn off during his fight with Phlox.
• Catty dialogue between T’Pol and Hoshi hints at their previous lesbian relationship.
• Catty dialogue between Trip and Phlox hints they once had a threesome with an Edosian suckerfish.
• Archer becomes so paranoid he has Phlox surgically implant eyes in the back of his head.
• Archer threatens to execute Phlox on the grounds that he is a Cardassian, and is only convinced otherwise when Phlox sticks out his enormous tongue.
• Archer executes Phlox for sticking his tongue out at him.
• Hoshi is shown reaching for an icepick before deciding on the poisoned glass of wine.
• The Xindi reptilian who tortured Hoshi in the Federation universe is served up to Empress Sato as turtle soup.
• The soup is poisoned. Porthos becomes Emperor.

“Demons”

• The xenophobia of John Paxton is increased tenfold when the hybrid baby vomits green puke all over him.
• Hoshi is highly embarrassed when her lover from Risa turns up at the conference, and publicly congratulates the ensign on her excellent oral skills.
• When T’Pol denies she’s ever been pregnant, Reed whips out Section 31 surveillance shots of her and Trip bonking like tribbles.
• In an off-the-record comment, Mayweather bitches to Gannet that he’s never allowed any dialogue.
• Mayweather asks Gannet why she never takes off her bra when having sex.
• Gannet realises she’s left her camera headset switched on, broadcasting their lovemaking to the entire planet.
• The Coridan ambassador discusses the difficulty of removing his facehugger as it has acid for blood.
• Nathan Samuels says that the freighter crash which killed his father was caused by the Denobulan pilot falling asleep at the controls for a week.
• Trip is shown angrily denouncing his bond with T’Pol as a “Vulcan Head Job.”
• Paxton says about his flying moon station: “I got the idea from Flash Gordon!”
• Terra Prime also demands that women be banned from becoming starship captains, leading to the events of “Turnabout Intruder.”

“Terra Prime”

• Paxton’s propaganda broadcast has the hybrid baby floating above Earth in an enormous bubble, accompanied by the theme from 2001.
• Paxton cites ancient tales of elves as proof that the Vulcans have been meddling in human affairs for thousands of years.
• T’Pol and Paxton get into a heated debate over which species invented velcro.
• T’Pol threatens to reveal that Paxton is Robocop, saying: “I recognise your lower lip.”
• Paxton’s henchman asks Trip if it’s true that Vulcan chicks are as hot as Vulcan.
• Reed’s vomit is later patented by Phlox as a Denobulan facial cream.
• When the verteron beam hits the ocean it kills the last humpback whales on Earth, setting up the events of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.
• Ensign Masaro’s brains boil out of his nose when he shoots himself, explaining why this scene was cut from the broadcast version.
• Mayweather asks Gannet how she was supposed to identify the Terra Prime spy by screwing him. Gannet replies: “Perk of the job.”
• During Archer’s speech Soval mutters: “At least he’s learned to shut up about those damned gazelles.”

“These are the Voyages...”

• Archer’s logs cause a massive rewriting of Federation history.
• Riker looks at an Enterprise decon scene and says: “I don’t believe this!”
• Riker asks Worf why his security people don’t have cool guns like the MACOs. Worf replies curtly: “We do not discuss it with outsiders!”
• The designers of the Akira-class starship are accused of stealing their design from the NX-01.
• The steward in Ten Forward is shown to be Daniels.
• Several Xindi crewmen appear in Ten Forward, complaining they’ve been accidentally locked in a transdimensional cupboard all these years.
• Counsellor Troi speculates that Archer’s frequent beatings were due to subconscious masochism.
• Troi says that Starfleet didn’t have counsellors in those days, because people could state the obvious themselves.
• T’Pol asks Chef why he’s suddenly acting like a debonair ladies’ man.
• Riker asks what the word ‘ass’ means, as it’s no longer used in the year 2370. T’Pol demonstrates by way of the Vulcan Bum Pinch.
• The holodeck arch appears every time Riker speaks the captain’s name.
• Riker gropes a female MACO and gets his butt handed to him.
• In an overdue acknowledgement that homosexuals exist in the Star Trek universe, Riker asks Reed if he’s ever been attracted to Trip. But as no homosexual was ever seen in the Star Trek universe the scene is removed for continuity reasons.
• Shran says “You owe me!” Archer replies: “I still owe you a thorough beating, too!”
• On seeing Shran’s map of the trading outpost, Archer says: “My God, it’s full of bars!”
• Shran’s refusal to hand over the Tenebian amethyst is explained when he calls it his “precious.”
• T’Pol points out that Rigel Ten is Planet X in roman numerals, and rebukes Archer for involving them in this sci-fi cliche.
• T’Pol tells Trip she will miss him... about once every seven years.
• Trip murmurs “Where the hell were the damned MACOs?” throughout his death scene.
• T’Pol comes to terms with Trip’s death by beating Shran to a pulp.
• At the signing of the Federation Charter, Phlox’s smile gets so wide his head falls off.
• Archer pops up to the gallery to warn his earlier self that Daniels is a jerk.
• T’Pol’s comment as Archer is walking away (“You look very heroic”) is replaced by a simple: “Nice bum.”
• The alien delegates commemorate their first contact with humanity, by beating up Archer one last time.