“The Day the Ensign Died”
A Voyager Song Parody of “American Pie”

Written by “8 of 12”

A long long time from now
In a quadrant far away
A shuttle was under an attack
And I thought me and Commander Chakotay
Could somehow try and get away
Or maybe use the phasers fire back
But his response it didn’t thrill me
He crashed the shuttle and tried to kill me
I escaped from that fall
We launched out a distress call
We sat and hoped it would be heard
From Voyager recieve some word
That help would come or soon we learned
That’s when the Borg arrived
And they were sayin’

Die, die, this redshirt Ensign young guy
Assimilate him in collectives or just make him now die
And I just gave up and kissed my freedom goodbye
Saying this will be the day that I die
This will be the day that I die

Well as I let out my final scream
I dissapated in a transporter beam
I probably should have died that day
The Delta Flyer had arrived too late
Commander Chakotay had recieved my fate
Yeah he’d been assimilated they say
Well Paris was distressed of course
I was supposed to die with force
He tried to beam me back
Oh yeah targeting he lacked
His skill it was worse than I fear
We both were beamed to the Borg sphere
And 8 of 12 said ‘listen here’
You two will become drones
And they were sayin’

The phaser fire lashed about
And Paris gave a loud cry out
The shot that hit him was meant for me
The rescue party had arrived too late
Ensign Paris lay there dead right next to Eight
Yeah it seems that from today he’s history
Well Tuvok seemed to wonder why
This redshirt Ensign wouldn’t die
They tried to leave me there
And beam back to Voyager
So I quickly ran into the team
And was caught be the transporter beam
Tuvok was left behind it seems
Oh yes, at last I’m safe
The crew were singing

Die, die, why won’t this Ensign just die
Just get the message we don’t want him
He’s no Seven of Nine
We tried quite hard to kill him
But he’s no worth our time
Saying this will be the day that you die
This will be the day that you die

I was told by Captain Janeway
That things weren’t meant to work this way.
I probably should have died that day
I was on the ship as one
Of those guys who were meant to be gunned
Who was a nameless extra blown away
But was my survival cruel?
Was I against the general rule?
Paris was quite dead
Chakotay was Borg instead
And the Vulcan I admired most
Was clearly now a Vulcan ghost
All because I should be toast
I guess I’ll live today
The crew were singing

Die, die, why won’t this Ensign just die
And now that Harry Kim’s commander
It just makes me plain cry
We tried quite hard to kill him
But he’s no worth our time
Saying this will be the day that you die
This will be the day that you die