After months of searching for a way home like the pathetic losers they are, the evil Excelsior crew finally found a way home: Through a mysterious dimension known as Fortyseventhspace! Although they were successful in returning to the Star Trek universe, they got the stuffing beat out of them by the inhabitants of Fortyseventhspace, Species 474747. Found by the Relativity, Evil Braxton recounted his story to his good counterpart. Now, the Relativity crew has been evacuated to the Excelsior with Captain Sulu in command, all 750 of the Excelsior have been crammed into the Excelsior brig, and Captain Braxton is on his way to destroy the portal to Fortyseventhspace by blowing up his own ship. But what Captain Braxton does not know is that Evil Braxton and Bester have stowed away on the Relativity, each with their own evil plan...
And now, the conclusion!
“Captain’s Log: After all this time, I am once again the captain of the Excelsior. Unfortunately, I fear we have seen the last of Captain Braxton. He may not have been the brightest man in the galaxy, but he will always be remembered as the man who saved the galaxy for brighter men. Wow, that almost sounded profound...”
Suddenly, Lt. Yar burst onto the bridge and shouted, “You guys, we have big trouble! Evil Braxton and that guy who looks like Chekov are missing!”
Sulu pushed a few buttons on his chair. “Computer, locate Evil Braxton and the guy who looks like Chekov!”
Evil Braxton and the guy who looks like Chekov are not onboard.
“This is terrible! We have to let Captain Braxton know that they’re onboard the Relativity!”
Sulu was about to activate the comm system when Ducane stopped him. “We can’t break our comm silence, sir. This mission depends on Species 474747 not detecting the Relativity until it’s too late.”
Sulu sighed. “Well, then he’s on his own...”
Meanwhile, on the Relativity, Captain Braxton sat alone in his chair. “Computer, how much longer until we reach the vortex?”
47 minutes, 47 seconds.
Warning, a vessel has been detected, bearing 000 mark 0.
“An alien ship?”
“Evasive maneuvers. We don’t want to collide with it before we reach the vortex.”
Warning. Another vessel has been detected. And another... And another... And another...
Sure enough, swarms of Species 474747 ships were pouring out of the vortex. The invasion had begun...
Sulu and his crew had also noticed the armada heading right for them. “Yar, do we stand a chance?”
“Not really, sir. I’ve managed to restore shields to full power, but even between them and this crazy Shadow armor, we won’t last very long against an entire armada.”
Dax, who was monitoring the ships on long-range sensors, suddenly smiled. “Sir, more ships are approaching our position!”
Sulu rolled his eyes. “Well, that’s just great. We’re going to get killed by thousands of ships.”
“No, sir! They’re not coming from the vortex! They’re coming from Starbase 47! There’s an entire fleet of Starfleet ships heading for us! The lead ship is hailing us!”
Admiral Picard’s disembodied head appeared on the main viewer. “Starship Excelsior, your crew is under arrest! Lower your shields and... Wait a minute... Sulu? What the heck are you and your crew doing on the Excelsior? And where’s Braxton? And where’s the Relativity?”
“It’s a long story, Admiral, but get here as soon as you can! And you’d better get send for even more ships! We’re going to need them...”
Captain Braxton continued to sit alone in the dark. Suddenly, two bright spots appeared on the wall in front of him. “Hey, somebody turn off the lights! I’m trying to brood in the shadows here!”
The bright spots continued. Braxton turned around. “Hey, you’re that guy who looks like Chekov!”
Sure enough, it was Bester, his eyes still glowing white. In an unearthly echoing voice, he said, “Silence, human! You will not be allowed to thwart our invasion! And his name is Bester! B-E-S-T-E-R! Is that so hard to understand?”
“Egads, you’ve been taken over by the aliens!”
“No duh, Sherlock. What tipped you off, the speaking in third person? The glowing eyes?”
Meanwhile, Sulu finished explaining the situation to Picard. Picard was dumbfounded. “That’s amazing!”
“Yes, the fact that we’re about to be invaded from another dimension is amazing.”
“No, not that! The fact that you fit the entire Excelsior crew into the brig. They must be packed in there like sardines!”
In the Excelsior’s brig...
“Hey, who’s got their knee jabbing into my pancreas?”
“I think it’s me. It’s either that, or jab it into this other guy’s eye socket...”
“Touch my eye socket and die!”
The Federation fleet moved into formation alongside the Excelsior. Admiral Picard’s head reappeared on the main viewer. “Okay, we’re ready. I’ve also sent a galaxy-wide distress signal. Let’s hope somebody answers.”
Sulu frowned. “Alas, we have no more time to wait. They’re here...”
Sure enough, the alien armada had come into firing range, and had begun shooting. Within seconds, Species 474747 bioships were dogfighting with Starfleet vessels left and right...
Back on the Relativity, the possessed Bester was using his enhanced psionic powers to hold Braxton a few inches off the ground, completely helpless. He laughed. “Soon, your entire galaxy will be destroyed! Bwahahaha!”
“So, you’re just going to destroy us for no reason whatsoever? Don’t you want to aspire to be something else besides a one-dimensional villain?”
“You wacky humans... For our species, there is no greater honor than being a one-dimensional villain!”
“And you realize, of course, that this battle is completely pointless? Within a year or two, we’ll be the best of friends. That’s the Star Trek way.”
“Shut up, Braxton! I think it’s time for you to die...”
Before Bester could make his move, however, he was vaporized. Standing behind where Bester had been was Evil Braxton, toting a phaser rifle. Braxton, without Bester’s psionic powers holding him up, fell to the floor. “Evil Braxton? You saved me? Well, that’s really nice of you and stuff... Are you feeling well?”
Evil Braxton’s only answer was to grin evilly, press a few buttons on his phaser, and then shoot his counterpart.
Meanwhile, the battle for the galaxy was continuing to rage. More and more ships continued to pour in from every quadrant to defend their homes. Starfleet, Klingons, Romulans, Cardassians, Tholians, Gorn, Breen, Jem’Hadar, Kazon, Krenim... They all came. It really stinks that this is a text-based series, doesn’t it? Oh well, I guess you’ll just have to use your imaginations.
And yet more and more bioships kept coming through the vortex. More and more of the defenders were destroyed.
The Excelsior, with its twin defenses, was faring pretty well, but was still getting hammered. Sulu was working himself ragged with double-duty, because nobody else but him knew how to fly a starship.
Dax continued to monitor the situation at large. “Sir, we’re still losing...”
Sulu frowned. “Well, I guess this is the end of the series, then. Too bad. It’s never pleasant to end a show with the galaxy being destroyed.”
“Wait a minute, sir... I’m reading 470 transwarp apertures opening nearby! It’s the Borg!”
Sure enough, hundreds of Borg vessels started popping out of their transwarp conduits. There were Borg cubes, Borg spheres, Borg rectangles, Borg diamonds, and even Borg Möbius strips. The voice of the Collective came over the comm system.
We are the Borg. We are tired of getting our butts kicked by obviously inferior species. We are making a stand here. We are going to prove that we are guys you do not want to mess with once and for all. Resistance is futile.
And with that, the Borg entered the fray on the side of the defenders...
Captain Braxton awoke to find himself chained to the inside of an escape pod. The hatch was open, and Evil Braxton was grinning evilly at him. Braxton scowled. “So, Evil Braxton, what’s your plan? Are you going to destroy the galaxy just like you’ve always wanted to do by keeping me from blowing up this ship?”
Evil Braxton shook his head. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“This has all happened before. It’s happened quite a few times. It’s always happened the same way. And it will always happen the same way.”
“Have you forgotten that I am the composite of several future versions of you?”
“That fact does occasionally escape me, yes.”
“So if you were meant to die here, I would never exist. But I’m still here.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“You see, I’ve been where you are now, listening to me saying the exact same things I am saying now.”
“And I shall have my final revenge on you the same way I had my final revenge on myself when I was you!”
“Try to keep up, Braxton. I’m going to launch you out into space in an escape pod. Then I’m going to blow up this ship myself, saving the galaxy so that you will survive. But you will be haunted by the fact that you will eventually become Old Captain Braxton, Young Psycho Braxton, Old Psycho Braxton, and then me, who dies alone and evil, here and now...”
“Wait, so all the times you put my life in danger this entire series, I was never actually in any danger, because you knew I’d survive the entire time?”
“Doesn’t that sort of predestination cheapen everything that’s happened so far?”
“Yup. But I fear our chat is at an end. I’ll see you when you’re me... Bwahahaha!”
Evil Braxton closed the hatch and launched Captain Braxton out into space.
He then slowly made his way back to the bridge. Once there, he took his seat. “Computer, activate self-destruct sequence.”
Ha! I know you’re not Captain Braxton! You can’t arm the self-destruct sequence!
“Oh yes I can. Because I was once Captain Braxton, I know his command codes! Initiate self-destruct sequence, Code 4 Epsilon 7 Omicron 47 Strike Strike Strike.”
Aw phooey. Arming code accepted. Self-destruct awaiting final countdown.
“How long until we reach the vortex?”
“Then set the countdown for 47 seconds.”
Countdown commencing. 47... 46... 45...
From out in space, Captain Braxton looked towards the vortex. He couldn’t see the Relativity, for it was still cloaked, but he knew it was there, and he knew it wouldn’t be there much longer...
5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Have a nice day!
Evil Braxton smiled.
And the Relativity blew up, and it blew up real good.
The vortex collapsed, and the shockwave carried Captain Braxton’s escape pod towards the battle. Of course, without more reinforcements, Species 474747 was quickly losing.
Onboard the Excelsior, Dax monitored the explosion. “Sir, Captain Braxton was successful! The vortex has collapsed!”
Everyone went silent for a few seconds. Then Dax added, “Sir, I’m also detecting an escape pod. One occupant. It’s Captain Braxton!”
Everyone cheered. Sulu tapped his communicator. “Sulu to Braxton! You’re alive!”
Braxton’s voice, very subdued, answered. “Yes. I’m alive.”
“Evil Braxton knocked me out and blew up the ship himself.”
Sulu turned to Dax. “Dax, scan for Evil Braxton. Make sure he didn’t get blasted into another universe or something again.”
Dax checked the sensors. “No, sir, he didn’t get blasted into another universe. He’s quite dead.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive, sir. I’m detecting his right eye bearing 004 mark 7, half his spleen bearing 007 mark 4...”
“Eew! Stop that right now!”
“Right. Sorry, sir.”
“I’m piloting us over to the escape pod. Tractor it into Shuttlebay 1.”
Outside, the last of the bioships was defeated. The massive fleet broke up, with everyone returning home. And the Starship Excelsior began limping back to Starbase 47...
Next time, on Star Trek: Series ?, the crew goes on a tour of the most frightening place in the universe... Captain Braxton’s brain!