Episode 91: “Home Again”

Written by “Krenim”

Published August 19, 2003

The Relativity and the Mirror Excelsior reappeared next to Starbase 47. Almost immediately, Admiral Picard’s voice came over the comm. “Braxton? What does it take to kill you? Kryptonite?”

“I don’t know, sir. I’ve never been near kryptonite.”

“Shut up, Braxton! Well, if you haven’t been dead, where have you been?”

“The Farscape universe, sir.”

“Egads! If it wasn’t for the fact that I hate you so much, I’d almost feel sorry for you.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Is that the Mirror Excelsior with you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, under Starfleet General Order 4747, nobody from the mirror universe may stay in our universe due to the fact that Deep Space Nine’s mirror universe episodes mostly sucked. They’ll have to go home.”

Mirror Evil Braxton nodded. “Well, we need to go home anyway. The evil mirror crew of the evil Mirror Relativity has probably been up to all sorts of evil wacky hijinks while we’ve been gone, so we need to find the nearest ion storm. We’ll make sure everybody’s on their proper ship and then we’ll go.”

“Very well. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go attend a top-secret meeting.”

Braxton asked, “If it’s so top-secret, why are you telling us?”

“I’m forshadowing the next episode, Braxton. Picard out.”

“Captain’s Log: The Mirror Excelsior has returned to its own universe via a nearby ion storm. Scorpius has returned to his Command Carrier to continue his research into wormholes and subspace. Unfortunately, his plant ran out of petals, so he’s back at square one...”

Ducane turned to Braxton. “I heard the Excelsior crew saved the universe while we were gone.”

“Yeah, apparently they did. But who knows what evil schemes they’re concocting at this very moment...”

Admiral Janeway slumped in her chair. “I sure wish I could concoct an evil scheme at this very moment...”

Valtane sighed. “This is getting ridiculous. We’ve spent this entire season either hiding from the entire galaxy or being downright good. Where’s the mayhem? Where’s the mass destruction?”

“Shut up, Valtane! We need to do something to get back into Gorei’s good graces. But what?”

“Well, we could...”

“Shut up, Valtane! I’m just forshadowing the next episode...”

“Does this episode even have any plot of its own, or is it just all forshadowing?”

“Forshadowing. Tons and tons of forshadowing.”


“Shut up, Valtane!”

“What was that for?”

“I just like telling you to shut up.”

Meanwhile, deep within subspace, the evil Gorei was quite pleased. “I’m quite pleased.”

Gorei’s nameless minion rolled his eyes. “Uh... Yeah. So, we’ve built a bunch of ships to replace those that were destroyed in the season premiere. Shall I give the order to attack?”

“No, not yet.”

“Any particular reason why we’re waiting?”

“There’s no actual plot to this episode, so I’m waiting until the next one to give the order.”

“Well, this episode’s kind of short. Can’t you just give the order so it’s a few lines longer?”

Gorei thought for a few seconds. “Very well! Send forth our fleets and crush the weakling Federation! Mwahahahahahaha! How was that? Was that evil enough?”

“Just fine, sir.”


UPN Promo:

The countdown to the final episode begins now...

For the future to survive...

*Shot of Earth getting sucked into subspace*

The past must be altered

*Shot of Relativity jumping into the timestream*

But to succeed...

*Shot of Captain Braxton*

Must Braxton face Janeway...

*Shot of Admiral Janeway*

And Janeway?

*Shot of Captain Janeway*

Episode 92: “Desperate Times, Part I”