Episode 85: “Year of Frell”

Written by “Krenim”

Published May 9, 2003

“Captain’s Log: Things just seem to be going our way lately. Not only do we now have a not-evil spy on the evil Excelsior, but Scorpius has contacted Starfleet Command with news that he may have perfected the technology that will allow us to rescue Earth from the depths of subspace...”

The Relativity had docked at Starbase 47, where technicians were swarming all over the ship. Watching the ship from the station were Captain Braxton, Scorpius, and Admiral Picard. Braxton turned to Scorpius. “So... You sure this thing is going to work?”

“Not in the slightest. Oddly, when I mentioned this fact to the Admiral here, he seemed bent on letting your ship be the test vehicle for my subspace drive.”

Admiral Picard looked the other way and whistled innocently. Braxton pondered for a few seconds and then remarked, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you were trying to have me killed, Admiral.”

The ever-astute Scorpius sarcastically responded, “Gee, you think?”

Picard rolled his eyes. “Don’t bother, Scorpius. I keep telling him that I am trying to have him fired/killed, but it never seems to register...”

Onboard the Relativity, Dax and Damar were overseeing the installation of Scorpius’ experimental subspace drive.

Dax inspected the device. “So how’s this thing supposed to work, anyway?”

“It’s apparently based on Scorpy’s wormhole research. Wormholes tunnel into subspace and then back into normal space. This drive creates a tunnel into subspace, but instead of tunneling back out, it instead tunnels into the subspace corridors that the Vaadwaur use to get around so fast.”

“Do you think it’ll work?”

“It has to. After all, it can’t do anything wacky like send us into an alternate universe, since this is the final season and we don’t have time to get sidetracked like that. We have plots to wrap up, you know.”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that the Excelsior still needs to be captured, the Earth still needs to be rescued, the often-forgotten remaining temporal fugitives unleashed by that shockwave still need to be rounded up, the Mysterious Red Button was promised at least one more episode, and so on.”

“Right. When is this doodad going to be operational?”

“Any minute now. You might want to let Braxton and Scorpius know we’ll be ready to test this thing out really soon.”

Soon afterwards, the senior staff and Scorpius were on the bridge of the Relativity and ready to test the new drive. Admiral Picard’s disembodied head was onscreen. “Scorpius, are you sure you want to be on that ship while the device is being tested? Braxton and his crew are expendable, but your wormhole research is useful to us.”

“I’m quite sure. I need to be here in case something goes wrong.”

“Very well. If I’m lucky, you’ll be the only survivor. Picard out.”

Picard’s face vanished, and Braxton turned to Sulu. “Bring the drive online and prepare for transit into subspace.”

Sulu punched a few buttons and responded, “Drive online.”

After a really dramatic pause, Braxton gave the order. “Engage.”

The Relativity vanished from normal space, and as it did so, it began to shake horribly. Scorpius wasn’t too alarmed. “This was expected.”

The shaking got worse. Consoles started exploding and main power went offline. Dax started reading off the damage reports. “The ship’s beginning to come apart, sir!”

Braxton shouted to Sulu, “Shut the drive down!”

“I can’t! Controls aren’t responding!”

All of a sudden, the ship shot back into normal space. Braxton turned to Dax. “Report!”

“We’ve taken major damage, sir! Repair crews are already responding!”

“And where the heck are we?”

Dax checked the sensors, but was utterly confused. “These readings aren’t making any sense...”

Everybody came over to look at Dax’s console. Scorpius was aghast. “I know this place... We’re in the Farscape universe!”

The senior staff all went pale, then the wailing and gnashing of teeth began. Braxton screamed, “Noooooooooo! Not the Farscape universe! Not excellent plots and interesting characters! Anything but that!”

Scorpius looked down at the sobbing crew. “Get a hold of yourselves. It’s not that bad.”

The senior staff continued to remain in fetal positions on the bridge floor...

Meanwhile, back in the Star Trek universe, Admiral Picard called one of his aides to him. “The Relativity has failed to re-enter normal space as planned. I declare them all to be dead. Have my seldom-seen robot body brought to me so that I may perform my victory dance!”

Eventually, the Relativity crew recovered. Braxton got back in his seat and said, “Get us out of here now!”

Sulu tried the controls. “The drive appears to be non-operational, sir.”

“Phooey. Alright, let’s all get down to Engineering and see if we can’t fix this thing...”

However, once they all got down to Engineering, all that was left of the drive was a heap of melted fragments. Scorpius muttered, “This may take a while to fix...”

Ducane added, “That’s the understatement of the year...”

Dax glared at Damar. Damar shouted back, “Well, how was I supposed to know we really were going to get sent to an alternate universe?!”

“Captain’s Log, Supplemental: It looks like we’re stuck in the Farscape universe for a while. In the meantime, sensors have detected a ship closing on our position.”

Dax kept her eye on the sensors. “Sir? You’re not going to believe this...”


“The ship that’s closing on us is Federation...”

“Another Federation ship in the Farscape universe? That sounds very vaguely familiar.”

Braxton tried very very hard to remember, but all he succeeded in doing was causing smoke to come out of his ears. Ducane tossed a glass of replicated water on Braxton’s head, and then said, “You’d better let me do that, sir. Your brain doesn’t take to remembering stuff like that too well.”

Ducane thought for a few seconds, then suddenly remembered. “The Mirror Excelsior! Mirror Ducane mentioned that the Mirror Excelsior was sent to the Farscape universe!”

Dax added, “Confirmed. That is the Excelsior, except without its fancy Shadow armor.”

Braxton ordered, “Hail them.”

The Mirror Excelsior’s bridge came onscreen. Braxton took one look at it and screamed like a little girl. “It’s... It’s... him!” Braxton pointed to the individual sitting in the captain’s chair. “It’s Evil Braxton!”

Sure enough, it looked like Evil Braxton. Ducane said, “That must be Mirror Evil Braxton. Since the Mirror Excelsior apparently never got home, Mirror Evil Braxton never died.”

Mirror Evil Braxton rolled his eyes. “You know, we can hear everything you’ve been saying... Anyway, yes, this is the Mirror Excelsior and I am Mirror Evil Braxton. You’re from the regular Star Trek universe, aren’t you?”

Braxton nodded. “That’s right.”

“Then you must be not only not evil, but really smart too!”

Ducane responded, “One out of two isn’t bad...” When Mirror Evil Braxton looked like he didn’t understand, he added, “He’s not playing with a full deck.”

Braxton took offense. “Take that back! I found my eight of spades last month!”

Mirror Evil Braxton rolled his eyes again and said, “I see what you mean. Anyway, we’re glad to see you. Can you help us get back home?”

All eyes fell on Scorpius. “I believe I can get us back. However, it will take time and significant resources.”

Mirror Evil Braxton said, “I’m afraid we can’t offer much. We’ve been on the run practically since we got here.”

Braxton stood up, struck a dramatic pose, and said, “Then I guess we’ll just have to get us some significant resources...”

UPN Promo:

On the next episode of Star Trek: Series ?, the two crews come up with a wacky scheme to get their hands on some quick cash in “Losers, Guns, and Money, Part I"!