Episode 128: “Recap V: [Subtitle Censored by Section 31]”

Written by “Krenim”

Published February 7, 2006

Yeah, it’s that time again. And it’s an extra-long recap, since I gotta cover the miniseries too.

Episode 101: “Recap IV: The Recap Home”
The last recap, just in case anybody’s interested.
Episode 102: “The Road to Hell”
Gorei and his goons prove they aren’t completely oblivious when they finally find Earth (as it zooms by their window). Scorpius finally gets a subspace drive working, allowing the Relativity to enter the subspace corridors to begin their own hunt for Earth. Earth finds them, but Gorei has already assembled every Vaadwaur ship to take the planet for himself!
Episode 103: “Hell on Earth”
With the Vaadwaur fleet closing in fast, Scorpius uses the planet’s resources to build a planetary subspace drive to be powered by... Kes. Ducane takes the Relativity to engage the Vaadwaur to buy some time. The device works, allowing the Earth to escape back into normal space, and Scorpius throws the device into reverse to seal the Vaadwaur away forever. Unfortunately, the device happens to zap Captain Braxton in the process, causing him to disappear.
Episode 104: “Tempus Fugit
In the series’ “final” episode, the “final” fates of the characters are revealed! The Earth emerged into normal space at the wrong place, putting it in the Vulcan system. The evil crew of the evil Excelsior get sent back from whence they came, except for Janeway and Zo’or, who get sentenced to Rura Penthe. Evil Braxton continued to be dead. Admiral Picard retires and finds he has much in common with another disembodied head. Sulu and the Excelsior get sent back to the 23rd Century. Lastly, Captain Braxton finds that he was zapped to the last place he’d like to be: the final episode of Quantum Leap.
The Undiscovered Continuity, Part I: “Some Assembly Required”
Several months later, Future Guy hires a bunch of famous Klingons to hunt down and kill the Relativity crew. Ducane’s promotion to captain is spoiled not only when Starbase 47’s new admiral is revealed to be the horrific Robo-Nechayev, but when Captain Braxton finally makes it home (and crushes Ducane during re-entry). Robo-Nechayev charges Braxton and his crew to find a way to return the Earth to its proper star system.
The Undiscovered Continuity, Part II: “Daniels Ex Machina”
Things go from bad to worse when Robo-Nechayev assigns Wesley Crusher to be the Relativity’s new conn officer. At least Braxton catches a break when Daniels, everyone’s favorite temporal agent with a bad hairdo, shows up to give him a hint about how to move the Earth. Xaronna is promoted to the main cast when it turns out she has piloting experience, allowing the Relativity to ditch Wesley Crusher and go back 600,000 years to get a Tkon planetmover.
The Undiscovered Continuity, Part III: “The Wrath of... Nah, Too Easy”
Back in the past, the Relativity gets directions to Tkon Prime, where all of the planetmovers are. Furious that Braxton has disobeyed her orders and left Crusher behind, Robo-Nechayev joins forces with the Klingons when they show up.
The Undiscovered Continuity, Part IV: “Unfair Trade”
Braxton and Co. arrive at Tkon Prime only to find all the planetmovers in use evacuating the system, which is about to go supernova. Before they can negotiate for one, Robo-Nechayev and the Klingons show up. When Robo-Nechayev discovers the Klingons are working for Future Guy, she and Klingons begin fighting, resulting in Robo-Nechayev’s seemingly-lifeless corpse being thrown out into space.
The Undiscovered Continuity, Part V: “Powderkeg”
The Klingons get their act together after the battle with Robo-Nechayev and begin destroying the planetmovers to spite Braxton. The heavily armored Klingon ship destroys most of the Tkon before the Relativity rips it to shreds using one of the planetmovers. With the Tkon gone, Braxton grabs the last planetmover and returns to the 29th Century to return Earth to its proper orbit. Celebrations are short-lived, though, as it turns out Robo-Nechayev has already been replaced... by Wesley Crusher! Admiral Crusher, still irate over having been left behind, orders the Relativity crew to return for a fifth season...
Episode 105: “Adrasteia, Part I”
Crusher’s second order is to have the Relativity crew set up a welcoming party aboard Starbase 47, which is attended by... a cricket. The party is interrupted by an alien vessel which easily brings down the starbase’s shields and kidnaps Captain Braxton! Crusher orders the rest of the crew to pursue (because the alien vessel interrupted his party, not because it kidnapped Braxton). Another shock is delivered when it turns out the alien vessel has an energy signature similar to the Plah D’Viz...
Episode 106: “Adrasteia, Part II”
The aliens reveal themselves to captive Captain Braxton: They are the Progeny, noncorporeal aliens from another galaxy that fought and destroyed the creators of the Plah D’Viz. Believing that paradoxes are the natural consequence of time travel, it is their intention to undo the effects of the alien artifact on Braxton, thus restoring the time loop and his eventual transformation into Evil Braxton. The Progeny ship stops by the Milky Way Galaxy’s core in order to make the necessary scans for the procedure, allowing the Relativity to catch up to it.
Episode 107: “Adrasteia, Part III”
While Braxton’s idiocy continues to give the Progeny a headache, Ducane comes up with a plan to bring down the aliens’ shields. In a nod to how all this mess began in the first place, the Aeon is self-destructed by the Progeny vessel, bringing down the shields and allowing Braxton to be rescued and the vessel to be destroyed. However, the Progeny aren’t done with Braxton yet...
Episode 108: “The Changing Face of Idiocy, Part I”
Despite having every prisoner in Rura Penthe mortally terrified of her, Admiral Janeway becomes more determined to escape. With Zo’or in tow, she manages to escape when (ironically) the guards are called to be briefed on the Progeny incident. Janeway and Zo’or grab a shuttle, which happens to be (also ironically) the Voyager-Q, and plot to steal back the Excelsior...
Episode 109: “The Changing Face of Idiocy, Part II”
As Admiral Crusher charges Braxton with recapturing Janeway, Janeway and Zo’or reveal the twist in their plan: Instead of traveling back to the 23rd Century, they intend to capture the 29th Century Excelsior which is enshrined in the Starfleet Museum. Disguised as tourists, they manage to retake the ship, and manage to crash it through the Museum’s hull to freedom. The next step in Janeway’s master plan is to reunite her loser crew...
Episode 110: “The Changing Face of Idiocy, Part III”
Zo’or’s new interdimensional drive will allow Janeway to reunite her crew, but it has to be broken to actually travel to other dimensions! To that end, she tricks Braxton into attacking, breaking the ID drive and allowing the Excelsior to escape again. With Dark Helmet, Dr. Frankenstein, Yoda, Hawk, and Harvey the Wonder Hamster back on board, Janeway then picks up stored DNA and memories to recreate Rand, Valtane, and Dukat (except Dukat’s DNA and memories get knocked over by Dark Helmet’s huge helmet). Needing a new chief engineer, Janeway decides to head back to the dreaded Babylon 5 universe to pick up the long-absent Zathras!
Episode 111: “The Changing Face of Idiocy, Part IV”
Things don’t go so well in the B5 universe. First, the Shadow armor shipyards have gone out of business. Second, Mr. Morden refuses to tell Janeway where Zathras has gotten off to, and actually gets the evil admiral to back down by summoning Shadows (who had gotten quite bored beyond the Rim). Giving up on Zathras and not willing to make Zo’or chief engineer, Janeway instead heads to the Stargate universe, where she picks up Apophis microseconds before his Replicator-infested ship crashes. Returning home, the Excelsior dumps the few Replicators they accidentally picked up along with Apophis and begin planning their new evil, uh, plan.
Episode 112: “Bride of Galvatron, Part I”
Braxton and Ducane nearly have nervous breakdowns when they read an invitation/order to attend the wedding of Galvatron and Robo-Nechayev! It turns out Robo-Nechayev’s inert corpse was revived 600,000 years later by the Matrix of Leadership, and the two robots want Braxton to perform the ceremony. Reading the newspaper (They still have newspapers in the 29th Century?), Valtane finds out about the wedding, and the evil crew of the evil Excelsior plan to crash the party.
Episode 113: “Bride of Galvatron, Part II”
Once Apophis (and by “Apophis” I mean “Zo’or") gets the ID drive fixed, the Excelsior makes a beeline for Risa to ruin the wedding. Wedding guests start showing up, including the planet-sized Unicron, who ruins Relativity crew’s attempts to get a tan when he blocks the sun. Unicron comes in handy, though, when he stops the Excelsior from bombarding the wedding site and flicks them into deep space. Galvatron and Robo-Nechayev are married (and thank the Great Bird of the Galaxy the episode ends before their honeymoon).
Episode 114: “S10K, Part I”
A bizarre chain of events is sent into motion when the Excelsior, acting on 600-year-old orders from Captain Sulu, broadcasts a Priority One message for Captain Braxton. Since Sulu shouldn’t remember who Captain Braxton is, the Relativity is ordered to go back in time to investigate. Oddly, nothing appears to be wrong, except for a really slow ship’s chronometer. Further investigation reveals that when the chronometer reaches Stardate 10000.0, every computer in the Federation will meltdown...
Episode 115: “S10K, Part II”
Attempts to alert the rest of the Federation fail as the Excelsior’s communications are being mysteriously jammed. A really old Soval shows up and reveals the problem was that the early Federation hired Bill Gates to program their computers. Rather than panic the entire Federation in its final hours, it is Soval who has been jamming them. When a predestination paradox results in the Relativity installing the first version of LCARS on the Excelsior, the problem is fixed and Soval allows it to be uploaded to every computer in the Federation. The Relativity returns home, and Sulu arranges to have a message transmitted in 600 years.
Episode 116: “Next Verse, Same as the First”
Before she leaves for vacation, Admiral Janeway refuses to let Rand and Valtane play their theme song until they at least come up with a second verse. Ergo, the duo begin snatching famous musicians from throughout history to write it for them. The Relativity arrives to rescue them, but Apophis lets them go when he can’t take the musicians singing “The Rand and Valtane Theme Song” anymore.
Episode 117: “Yar is Pirate Talk for Yes”
Yar finally gets her own episode! Going undercover, her mission is to stop the Orion Syndicate from selling cheap bootleg Star Trek merchandise. Her attempt to blow up the pirate ship is foiled when Greenbeard the Pirate’s pet Romulan Warbird Polly gives her away. Yar wins a swordfight to the death with Greenbeard on a technicality (it’s Polly who dies), and she destroys the pirate ship and knockoff merchandise.
Episode 118: “Desk Jockeys, Part I”
Captain Braxton awakes to find himself promoted to Admiral and stationed on Starbase 666. Knowing that nobody in their right mind would promote Braxton, he and his new Vulcan aide T’Lenol find that the evil Admiral Janeway is in a similar position. Janeway quickly discovers that she and Braxton are prisoners in a complex holomatrix program, and go about trying to find out who has captured them. When Janeway finds another person that the safety protocols apply to, the individual is revealed to be the same Progeny who kidnapped Braxton earlier in the season!
Episode 119: “Desk Jockeys, Part II”
The Progeny woman escaped the destruction of her ship and had kidnapped Braxton and Janeway to study their interaction, which is the last of the data needed to reverse the effects of the Plah D’Viz. The two attempt to force the alien to let them go, but since she is noncorporeal, that doesn’t quite work out. Eventually, the two realize the holomatrix is working perfectly, and just end the program. After sending distress signals to their respective ships, they confront the Progeny woman again, but fail to stop her from transmitting the data. Braxton and Janeway get away before Yar uses a special weapon designed to destroy noncorporeal life to destroy the holomatrix ship. However, the Progeny now have all the data they need, and are on their way to our galaxy...
Episode 120: “Big Bad Bugs”
The Replicators the Excelsior crew threw out into space return as they take over a Federation vessel. Braxton and crew are sent to stop them, but find themselves invited to a meal by Seventh, a humanform Replicator that looks like Seven of Nine. Seventh attempts to read Braxton’s mind, but that short-circuits the Borg implant in his brain. The resulting spell of temporal psychosis overloads Seventh and ends the Replicator threat.
Episode 121: “Nobody Expects the Ferengi Acquisition!”
Admiral Crusher sells the Relativity and her crew to the Ferengi, who are determined to use their very own timeship to become filthy rich. The Ferengi quickly find their plans foiled by Braxton’s extreme stupidity and return the Relativity to the Federation to recoup their losses.
Episode 122: “Just Kidding”
The series’ first podcast accompanies an episode that sees the return of the talkative Gorgan. The Gorgan attempts to use the crew’s children (minus the know-it-all Suzy) to take over the ship. Braxton is immune to the powers granted by the Gorgan (he’s too stupid to realize his fears) and he teams up with Suzy to destroy the Gorgan using Yar’s anti-noncorporeal alien weapon.
Episode 123: “Cold Shoulder, Part I”
When the Temporal Cold War goes hot, Admiral Crusher orders Braxton to stay out of it (lest he mess up history even more). The Relativity passes the time by stopping at the creepy “Dead Stop” station to fix the hole in the ship caused by defeating the Gorgan. There, Braxton meets Vosk, leader of the Alien Nazi Space Vampires, who convinces him to travel to the 22nd Century to stop Future Guy’s plans there.
Episode 124: “Cold Shoulder, Part II”
The Relativity arrives in the 22nd Century to find Future Guy nowhere to be found and the Suliban bored to tears. Daniels, furious at Braxton for having disobeyed orders, arrives and finds out Vosk is behind everything. Contacting Future Guy (who had been on vacation since being written out of Enterprise’s Season 3), Daniels and Silik accompany Braxton back to the 29th Century to stop Vosk (who has an unexpected guest in the form of Galvatron).
Episode 125: “Cold Shoulder, Part III”
Vosk holds Galvatron hostage, willing only to exchange him for little Suzy (who Vosk wants to kill because she is Daniel’s ancestor). Suzy is handed over, except Suzy is really Silik in disguise, who rescues Galvatron. With no leverage left, Vosk and his goons escape to 20th Century Earth using his Stealth Time Travel Portal. Disgusted with Braxton yet again, Daniels leaves to enlist Archer’s help in catching Vosk instead. The entirely awful “Storm Front” happens, which ends the Temporal Cold War.
Episode 126: “Flipside, Part I”
In an alternate timeline, Q never reveals the existence of the Plah D’Viz and the Braxton timeloop is allowed to play out. Returning to Starbase 47 after the Fortyseventhspace incident, the Excelsior is set to be returned to the 23rd Century, the Relativity crew is assigned to a Pakled garbage scow, and Braxton is relieved of command when he chooses to have Wesley Crusher replace Captain Sulu.
Episode 127: “Flipside, Part II”
The alternate timeline story continues with Relativity crew ditching Wesley Crusher and Braxton sent to the Federation Funny Farm. Since the Plah D’Viz mini-arc never happens, the conflict with the Vaadwaur begins early, and Gorei’s forces soon take Earth. Determined to save the Federation, Ducane busts Braxton out of the Federation Funny Farm, steals a temporal detonator from the Federation Maximum Security Prison, and sets into motion the events of “Relativity” by sending both back in time to destroy Voyager before the Vaadwaur are released.

UPN Promo:

A juggernaut that cannot be stopped

*Shot of a Progeny vessel*

Has come for Captain Braxton.

*Shot of Captain Braxton*

Can the combined forces of good and evil

*Shot of the Relativity and Excelsior*

Do the impossible and save history?

Episode 129: “Hitting the Road, Part I”